How to draw a digital boundary after a breakup

Whether you are separating from a partner, a roommate, a friend, or even a family member, here is how to secure your devices and data after ending a relationship with someone close to you

Even after a friendly separation where you and the other person continue to be coffee buddies, it is vital to step up your digital security [File] | Photo Credit: REUTERS

Whether you are permanently cutting contact with a family member or asking your ex-partner to leave your home forever, a breakup comes with a merciless to-do list that couldn’t care less about your heart. As your and their lives joined together, so did your digital worlds. Now, it is time to separate the two again and set down a boundary. However, this doesn’t just mean deleting your Instagram selfies or blocking each other online.

As our homes fill with smart devices and shared subscriptions, it is far easier for people to intrude into each other’s personal lives even after a breakup. In the case of a toxic or abusive individual, this interference can put your life in danger. Can the person you broke up with access your car with their phone? Can they use your credit card to pay for their Amazon purchases? Can they track your movements through your phone or vehicle? Do they know the answers to your common security questions? Can they use their voice to bypass a smart lock and enter your home?

The answer to all these questions should be a firm and resounding no.

But even after a friendly separation where you and the other person continue to be coffee buddies, it is vital that you step up your digital security. Let’s take a look.

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Here are some steps to take in order to draw a digital boundary after a breakup

Secure your email accounts (work and personal) by logging out of all devices at once, and then setting up new, strong passwords. Set up two-factor authentication (2FA) via an Authenticator and not SMS.

Secure your social media accounts by logging out of all devices at once, and then setting up new, strong passwords. Set up two-factor authentication (2FA) via an Authenticator and not SMS.

Delete the other person’s profile from all streaming apps such as Netflix, Amazon Prime Video, Spotify, etc. and change your passwords for all these platforms. Pick new security questions and answers, where required.

Change your home WiFi password and your hotspot password, if the other person ever accessed these.

Remove the other person from apps such as menstrual trackers, fitness trackers, health monitors, and smartwatch applications, etc. which allow you to track each other’s activity.

Delete the other person’s profiles and/or biometric data from smart devices such as your Alexa speakers, electronic doorbells/locks, burglar alarms, and your car’s connected Android or iOS app. This revokes their access to your home and vehicles.

If necessary, block the person on UPI apps such as Google Pay and change your pin number. Do not respond to requests for money or returns.

If applicable, call up your bank to freeze your joint account and cards. For personal cards, call your bank to have them cancelled immediately. This is a must if your payment information is saved on any devices or sites the other person can access.

Ensure your phone plans are separate, or opt out of your joint/family account. Decide whether you would like to transition to a new phone number and SIM card to cut off the other person entirely.

Check your device’s location settings to make sure that you cannot be tracked via GPS or shared apps. The same applies for your vehicle-based apps.

In the days and weeks following a breakup, monitor your credit/debit statements carefully and keep an eye out for any suspicious transactions. Report these to your bank as soon as you can.

Coming to emails and messages, be alert when you receive login notifications that do not correspond to your activity, or when you see password changing attempts not made by you. Do not click on unknown links or download any media from unsolicited messages.

Concerning device safety, if you notice a quickly draining battery, flashing/blinking camera lights, app activity that is not yours, or cursors moving on their own, it is possible your device may have been hacked. Stop using all devices immediately and reach out to the police for assistance.

If you are worried about being stalked, have your car professionally cleaned and serviced in order to make sure there are no trackers such as Apple AirTags hidden within. Also check or throw out the belongings you frequently take outside with you, such as shoes, bags, jackets, suitcases, and wallets.

In case you receive threats (whether anonymous or not) or suspect that you have been hacked, reach out to the police without any delay.