Letter from a concerned reader Opinion

Just sip and flip

Respected Madam/ Sir,

Everything is ok? Ok. Here also everything is ok.

Madam/ Sir, I will tell you something. Maybe you will get so much shock you will immediately expire. Be careful and read slowly.

Inside the bedroom there is one almirah. Inside the almirah, on the first level, if you look in the corner, behind the old medical certificate and X-Ray from jambuvan era you will find one small box. What is inside the box, whether you can tell me? Is it perfume given by some NRI type? Totally, totally wrong answer.

All the one thousand perfume bottles is in Mrs. Mathrubootham’s personal almirah. She is having unopened perfume from 1995 onwards. How many times I have told Kamalam, Kamalam, Kamalam why you are not using this perfume? Some perfumes are older than this flat itself. How many years you will wait? Whether it is perfume or some ancestral property?

Whether she will listen? One big zero. Better to throw chicken into paddy field and then wait for biryani.

Madam/ Sir, have you guessed what is inside the box? Guess guess. Let me see. Is it Ganga water we purchased during Leave Travel Allowance trip to Benaras in 1991 period? Once again error error total error. Ganga water bottle and all other LTA items are kept inside showcase under the TV. Ganga water, seashells from Kanyakumari, ten colour sand from Rajasthan, snake boat from Trivandrum, plastic Taj Mahal, and then from Delhi we have small wooden Parliament House. But due to some problem, during moving and packing after transfer from Indore branch, now Qutb Minar is stuck inside Parliament. Nothing doing. It will not come out only.

Okay you please give up. What is inside the box? It is one bottle of VAT 69 Scotch whisky.

Madam/ Sir, whether you got heart attack or no? Maybe you are thinking this is some mistake.

How it is possible Mr. Mathrubootham is having whisky and all at home? Maybe some mistake during e-commerce purchasing of items? Never. It is my personal bottle only. I am having since last 4 or 5 years. Every six months I will buy one soda and have one small peg. Aha. And then relax and watch Guns of Navarone. Just one entertainment.

Today what happened? Two-three members of Ladies Association came for evening coffee. Everyone is sitting and eating and drinking as if aetho some United Nations meeting. I thought what I will put gossips with ladies, better to watch TV. Suddenly news came that liquor shop is now open, and all over India people are standing in queue.

Immediately ladies started talking nonstop nonsense. Whisky is bad. Gin is bad. Rum is bad. All drunkards only. One lady said my husband has not even touched alcohol in his whole life. Then other lady said touching and all forget it, my husband will not even enter hotel that is serving drinks.

I secretly looked at Kamalam. She secretly looked at me. Immediately I knew what she is going to do. Using only the eyes I said okay no problem please proceed.

Then Kamalam said what you ladies are talking, my Mathrubootham is so much against drinks that even plain soda is giving him stomach upset and vomiting sensation. Other ladies looked at me as if Kokila Mohan.

After they are leaving, Mrs. Mathurbootham came and said thank you for cooperation. I said, “Kamalam, whether any soda is there in the kitchen? I am thinking of having one whisky.”

She said, “Very good idea I will bring two glasses.”

How is the shock?

Yours in relaxation,

J. Mathrubootham


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Printable version | Aug 6, 2021 10:15:12 AM | https://www.thehindu.com/opinion/just-sip-and-flip/article31533977.ece

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