Shaking hands with this strongly built former Army man is quite an experience. He shakes hands with you firmly, will look you in the eye gently, and greet you with a very polite ‘how are you’. However, post-handshake, your fingers and palm will take a little time to recover from the unexpected exercise. The experience is not altogether physical.
The handshake, historically popular in different cultures, is an act meant to establish contact between two human beings. Human beings are bound to each other in a great chain of being, and a handshake is a link in this chain.
More than the ritual itself, it is the manner of shaking hands which says it all: it reveals if the chain is valued or not. In our culture, a handshake that is slightly less solid than our Army man friend’s can be considered normative. A hand offered perfunctorily could reflect indifference and an absence of warmth. Human beings have a responsibility towards their cultural environment. The output depends on the input. A firm, friendly and warm handshake is a positive input in our environment; it usually produces a positive output. An unsure hand could well release negative vibes.
A handshake that lasts for some duration also makes a statement. In most meetings between top leaders, the act of the handshake is watched closely. When Narendra Modi shook hands with Nawaz Sharif at his swearing-in ceremony, it was estimated that he held the Pakistan leader’s hand for a full 26 seconds, looking him in the eye. In a way he appeared to have gained some psychological points before the eager cameramen and reporters.
Who shakes hands with whom can offer a study in gender relations, changing manners and the dynamics of power in relationships.
In a patriarchal set-up, men do not shake hands with women. Women offering their hands for a handshake would even be looked down upon. In the urban professional set-up where patriarchal customs are weakening, some women may shake hands with men and some will not. In any case, a handshake between a man and a woman in a professional situation would be gentle and brief. In traditional Muslim households there was a time when women simply greeted each other but did not usually shake hands with each other. In the same kind of households now, handshake between women is often the norm.
A younger person offering his hand to an older person is a sign of poor manners, at least in India. It is the older person who must offer his hand. Where age is not a factor in a relationship, it does not matter who takes the initiative. However, the person taking the initiative will be considered more open and warm-hearted.
The social and professional status of a person also determines the custom of the handshake. A person higher in status can choose to shake or not shake hands with a person lower in status. An attendant should not dare to offer his hand to his boss. The boss offering his hand to his attendant in a professional context would be considered rare indeed. However, the same boss may offer his hand to the attendant if he visits his home on some festival.
At times, a handshake can be a cause of problem. The evil practice of untouchability and slavery had once made even the thought of handshake between some groups unthinkable. The idea of a handshake is also uncomfortable for a person suffering from obsessive compulsive disorder. The simple matter of hygiene also determines the practice of the handshake. Imagine a situation where a person having the problem of OCD is forced by etiquette to shake hands with somebody given to picking his nose or not washing his hands after a visit to the washroom.
An ecstatic form of handshake is the high five, made popular by certain sportspersons. High fives may be exchanged between younger people, but will be out of place in a formal situation. But the thought of a high five with my Army man friend gives me a shudder. A firm handshake may be more than enough.
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