This is a blog post from
Sept 6, 2019
Dear Diary,
I learnt something earth-shattering today. (Also the word earth-shattering — which is a really vivid term, don’t you think?)
So I was invited to a party at Poonguzhali Akka’s house. A costume party. It’s not Halloween but Akka doesn’t “believe in following societal norms”. That’s what she said. She has Christmas carols playing in summer and makes kozhakattais for Christmas. Odd lady!
Anyway, costume party. All her friends. Four of us (Poo, Rads, Shanky and me). Najju Paati also. Extremely eclectic crowd. I noticed one of her friends Akash Anna had dressed as a woman. Saree, lipstick, the works. We loved it and told him so. Poonguzhali Akka came over and said, “Aha. It would have been funnier had he dressed up a normal man. When she saw the four of us blink, they burst out laughing. “Babes, I am cross-dresser,” he said.
Our jaws dropped and they laughed more. Until now I had encountered such people only on trains. And heard of it in the classroom when Vikram and his gang of pigs bully people using such words. This was the first time I was talking to one proper-proper. He seemed really nice. He has two names — Akash and Aanchal. His mannerisms are slightly feminine. And he is really funny. I hope we get to see more of him. He wants us to call him Aanchal Akka and refer to him as ‘she’. It feels kinda odd but...
Then Poonguzhali Akka cornered Varun Anna and told him that he should give the four of us a gender education session. Varun Anna said he had to pee, disappeared into the loo and didn’t come out for over 20 minutes, by which time Poonguzhali Akka was half-way into the session.
Did you know, Diary, that there exists something called homosexuality?! It means people liking others of the same gender. Like if I had a crush on Poo or Rads. Or if Sandy had a crush on Vikram. It all sounded so bizarre at first but the more Akka spoke about it, the more normal it seemed. Anyway, since I’m not sure whether you diaries have genders, I’m going to give you the session highlights.
* First the terms. When a man is attracted to other men, he’s called gay. When a lady likes other ladies, she’s called a lesbian. When a person is attracted to both men and women they’re called bisexuals. When a person is born male but feels more female (like Akash Anna), they’re transgenders. And the other way too. When someone is still unsure about their sexual identity, they’re called queer. When someone has no sexual feelings, they’re called asexuals. And there are a bunch of other things which I still haven’t understood.
* It’s a tough world for people in the LGBTQA+ commuity. They’re made fun of wherever they go. They are disowned by their families. They find it difficult to get jobs. Oh, the list is endless.
* Homosexuality is a crime in many countries. Only in September 2018 did it became legal in India. That too after so many protests.
* Most of the people in the world think that homosexuality is unnatural and that God doesn’t approve of it. Akka said that ALL religious leaders are strictly against homosexuality. I told her, “Akka, I am strictly against ALL religious leaders.” She laughed even though I was being serious. But I know she wasn’t mocking me, so it’s cool.
Then someone took out their guitar. And someone else made a makeshift drums out of the wooden stool. And Poonguzhali Akka brought out her trumpet and Aanchal Akka started full-on dancing. We all joined in. SO SO fun.
By the time we finished, it was dinner time. Poo and Rads rushed to their homes. Najju Paati, Shanky and I rushed to ours. And guess who was there for dinner. Yes! The amazing Vanaja Mami and Murthy Mama. Shanky and I winked at each other. This was a flaming hot topic and we were bursting with anticipation to see their reaction.
We all sat down for dinner. Poori bhaji yumm-yumm. Vanaja Mami narrated tales of her latest Swamiji. This guy claims he’s Kalki avataram. I asked Mami if he rides a white horse. She glared.
THEN. A small silence in the conversation. I cleared my throat theatrically, turned to Appa and said: “Poppy, what if I told you I was attracted to girls.” Pin Drop Silence. The kind of silence that Rita Miss demands in every History period but never gets.
Appa was the first to recover. “What do you mean, kutti?” he asked. So I repeated my question. “You mean what if you are attracted to girls, as opposed to boys?” he said slowly. I nodded.
Silence continued.
Appa turned to Amma. Both of them turned to Najju Paati. All three of them turned to me. Vanaja Mami and Murthy Mama refused to look up from their plate. Shanky tried his hardest to maintain a straight face. (Full credits to him.) Finally, Amma said, “Are you attracted to other girls, Nila? But that Sandy...” her voice was shivering slightly.
Appa quickly interrupted her. “Nila kutti, we’re ok with whatever you want. And we’ll help you understand these complex feelings in whatever way we can.”
Vanaja Mami and Murthy Mama both choked on their puri-bhaji. Shanky was on the verge of eruption. As was Najju Pati. “But you surely don’t advise your daughter like this, Kumar,” Vanaja spluttered. “It’s a sin!”
Appa’s face shrunk, eyes slightly blazing. “Vanaja, I’d appreciate you keeping your orthodox opinions to yourself. I’m not going to try and change the way you think cos I know a hopeless case when I see one. But please don’t talk about my daughter like that.”
Diary, now you know why I think Appa is a Rockstar. Even though he can get annoying at times, I am sure there’s no other Daddy who’ll stand up for his daughter like this. Najju Paati shouted, “Shabash Kumar!” Shanky burst out laughing. As did I. Amma smiled. Vanaja and Murthy turned tomato red, and hurried to the wash basin even though there was one puri remaining on each of their plates.
When we stopped laughing, Amma turned to me. “So are you, Nila?” I smiled and shook my head. “You’re right about Sandy, ma,” I said. Both Appa and Amma seemed slightly taken aback but they just nodded. Maybe I’ll get a lecture on it later this week. They prolly didn’t want to add to the drama of the night. By the time we finished dinner, Vanaja and Murthy had said a hasty goodbye. I hope this is the last we see of them. Not that I hate them but I don’t love them either.
In the end, Appa asked Shanky, “What about you, young man?” Shanky, with the straightest of faces said, “Undecided Appa. I like both guys and girls.” Amma came running from the kitchen, her jaw almost touching the floor. We all looked at her expression and started laughing. In the end, she said, “Who told you about all this?” Shanky and I said we had sworn secrecy. I’m sure they both know it’s Poonguzhali Akka. And I’m sure they’re both secretly relieved that they didn’t have to give us the ‘gender talk’. And I’m heavily relieved that I have such cool parents. Blessed children we are.
Yours gender-educatedly,
Nila
