One can’t help but laugh when Radha Nair writes about how her help catches a frog in her bathroom. On another day, the city-based children’s author leaves you teary-eyed when she remembers how she dealt with the assassination of her father, a career diplomat, in Ottawa in 1961.
If Cindu Vijay, an architect in Kozhikode, inspires you with her never-say-die spirit after she was diagnosed with cancer, Nisha Kiran, a home chef, can give a lesson or two for those dealing with depression.
This is all happening in Her Trivandrum, a private Facebook group for women, originally meant to be a space for women in the capital city “to network and connect with each other”. But one-and-half years down the lane, it has members from across the world and their number stands at 6,750 and counting.
Anjali Manoj, the lone admin of the group, is happy that it has become THE space for women. On March 7, the eve of International Women’s Day, Anjali launches a new Facebook page, Hers To Share, which can be accessed by all Facebook users. This public page will have those articles posted on Her Trivandrum that the members wish to make public.
From the first meet-up of Her Trivandrum members held in 2019
Looking back at the journey of Her Trivandrum, Anjali, a journalist-educator-entrepreneur, says that some unpleasant experiences on social media forced her to think about launching a women’s forum.
“Whenever I posted a query, friend requests or unwanted opinions used to pop up often. I even felt unsafe after I got comments on my private messenger. That’s when I hit upon the idea of a closed group where women can ask or express anything, without being judged or questioned. I expected only a few women from the city to join it. But the network just got bigger and bigger with women from across the globe joining in,” says Anjali.
Besides women staying in the city and those who’ve got a connect with it but are not living here, the group has members who have no relation with Thiruvananthapuram as well. And from a forum to seek help or advice related to topics such as family, children, housing, food, fashion, travel, art, culture, nature, business and health, it has evolved into a space to discuss subjects such as depression, relationship goals, mental and physical health, personal insecurities, domestic abuse and more.
The members, who are between the age of 20 and 70-plus, include homemakers, professionals, self-employed women, entrepreneurs, students, painters, performers, poets and photographers.
Support system
“This has evolved as one strong support group as the members encourage one another. There is a positivity in this forum. We have several senior citizens who are active on the platform even though they may not be stepping out of their homes,” Anjali adds.
According to 73-year-old Radha, the group has introduced her to a lot of “dynamic” women. “There are many whom I admire. It is heart-warming to read stories about women who’ve battled odds and how some of them have just refused to give up. Women feel safe and secure to discuss their problems and ask for recommendations,” says Radha.
- The group is only for women. A new member is added only if an existing member recommends her name. Only those posts approved by Anjali would be visible on the page.
- Members can choose not to reveal their identity and can post as ‘Anonymous’. The group doesn’t entertain hate speech, bullying, foul language and posts related to politics and religion. Negative comments and impostors will be removed. Advertisements are allowed on Mondays, Wednesdays and Fridays, that too only if there is a proper contact number.
- Anjali spends 12 to 15 hours a day, starting from 6 am, to check the posts. Even when she is travelling, she keeps a tab on the page. Every day, she approves at least 25 posts, which is less than the number she rejects!
Cindu Vijay, a Kozhikode-based architect, calls Her Trivandrum the “most supportive group” she has come across. Having been part of several women’s forums, Cindu says that she can share those things on the page which she is not comfortable talking on any other platform. “Domestic abuse was one such issue. There is a lot of empathy in the group which is needed instead of sympathy,” says the 52-year-old.
As for Cauvery Kesavasamy, a freelance writer, it was “the kindred souls on the group” that made her feel at home in the capital city when she returned to live here after a decade. “I got best friends, opportunities to work and even ventured out of my comfort zone when it came to food and social life,” says Cauvery, who recently posted about how she fell down from an electric train onto the railway track. “It was the 10th anniversary of that accident and I felt like revisiting it,” adds the 33-year-old.
Dubai-based Nithya Rajkumar, a fashion retail professional and photographer, says that she receives constant support and encouragement from the members. “Behind successful women, there are many wise, charming and compassionate women. This has been a space for me to reach out to many people, especially when I was involved in gathering support and goods for those affected by floods in Kerala,” says Nithya. While depression has been a widely-discussed topic, learning disabilities and behavioural issues in children have also been taken up with members coming forward to support each other.
Gopika Raj, a 24-year-old English teacher from Toulouse, France, feels that the camaraderie within the group makes it a safe platform to share one’s thoughts about anything, without fear of judgements. “The posts are written by women of all ages and are often eye-opening as well as entertaining. It’s beyond beautiful that all of us are doing our humble bit to open up and discuss the simple joys of everyday life, from sharing recipes to bringing up sensitive topics that were kept under wraps for eons,” says Gopika over email, referring to her posts on body positivity and sexuality. “When I wrote about the latter, this heterogeneous tribe of womenfolk were overwhelmingly open minded and understanding. We trust the unthreatening nature of the group enough to let loose our thoughts, into the minds and newsfeeds of others too!” she says.
