‘O traffic gods, it’s Monday morning! Please let there be no bus breakdowns, protests, new potholes, VVIP movements this morning.’ This is a prayer that can be heard all over the cities, across the country. When it comes to praying to the traffic gods, there are no differences in terms of faith, religion or belief: it’s a truly unifying experience! All the scriptures and holy books for these traffic gods are combined into one — Google maps. It shows the way to the worshippers and condemns the ones who do not follow to a difficult journey ahead, all in the true sense of the words.
And as everywhere else in the country, it’s not one god. There are many, and each has unique divine powers. The most powerful of them all are the ‘auto’ gods. These three-wheeled symbols of agility carry some truly magical powers. Their ‘auto’dynamic structure enhances their speed and manoeuvrability — similar to ‘aerodynamic’ but with a difference. They are shaped in such a manner that if there is a gap in traffic and if the front wheel goes through, the rest of the body somehow follows. The devotees — in this case passengers — can completely trust their god, Moses-like, to part the sea of traffic and take them through to their destination. They have many different ways to communicate with devotees and the other gods on the road. An auto god can show a turn signal in any form. It could be in the form of a slightly extended hand, a protruding foot or just a tilt of the head. It is up to the fellows and followers to catch the hidden meaning therein.
Hard to please
This god is a bit hard to please and carry grudges if antagonised. So beware if you are sharing the road with them!
Then there are the motorised two-wheel deities. These beings are not just agile, they are amphibians. They are equally comfortable while on footpaths as they are on the roads. Sometimes even the road-dividers cannot stop them from crossing over. At traffic signals they are like sand poured into a bowl with pebbles. They can fill up every gap and crevice available. Indians should be thankful to them because if not for them, the traffic pile-up at each signal would have extended to all the previous junctions!
The bicycle’s powers
Even the most humble of them all — the bicycle — has some unique powers. While in traffic, it is a vehicle. But when a signal turns red, it metamorphoses into a pedestrian and hence the signals are not applicable to them anymore. It is said that traffic can only move at the pace of the slowest vehicle on the road — the bicycle. But it could still be extremely hard, if not impossible, to overtake them. You can overtake them, and just a few metres ahead you will find them in front of you again!
And what can one say about the omnipresent gods with ‘yellow boards’? May not be as capable as the auto gods, but these taxi cab gods are also blessed with many celestial powers. The true nature of their capabilities come out mostly during their nocturnal prowls.
The bus gods, they are the biggest of them all. Carrying a huge gathering of devotees. They do not like to be disturbed or intervened when on a roll. And then there are the traffic police gods. They rule over all the rest of them. They are generally not satisfied with just prayers and expect generous offerings. The size of the offerings should be commensurate with the nature of your prayers.
But all these gods and their supernatural powers can be rendered useless in the wake of The Creator — the city municipal corporation. The Creator can change things overnight — literally!
The daemons
And where are the daemons, you might ask. The usual suspects might be the pothole-riddled narrow roads or the broken — or ever-ambiguous when working — signals. But no, the real daemons on the roads are — single-rider cars! These daemons prefer to act on their own and do not prefer to pool together with others. They are the ones complaining constantly and blaming everyone else for all that is wrong on the roads.
So next time when you about to head out, pray to the creator, trust your own traffic gods, and embark on the divine Journey!
Alternatively, if you are an atheist, just walk!
mangesh18@yahoo.com
