So, why do people marry? Do men and women marry for the same reason(s)? But do they not both cite the same reason: companionship? (Companionship, by the way, is a western, not Indian, reason for marriage.)
Isn’t it true that, in marriage, women desire companionship but most men prefer convenience? And what companionship, pray, did these marriage hopefuls find in the marriages of their predecessors and their elders, particularly their parents?
Do not people marry because they want to be accepted, not necessarily respected, by society?
Ask not why someone’s married. Ask instead why they married the one who is now their partner/spouse.
Isn’t it correct to conclude that those who are less certain about getting a partner would show greater eagerness to wed?
Are all those who marry fit for marriage, leave alone fit to raise a family? There are fitness/entrance tests for entry into many professions, followed by appraisals for promotions. But how to determine if one is fit for marriage… and for parenting?
A ‘journey’ is probably a good enough metaphor for a marriage. But why do so many people seem to make a destination of the wedding itself, which is after all only the beginning of the journey?
Why should divorce be interpreted to mean failure on the part of the partners involved? For instance, will anyone in their right mind dismiss a student who ‘fails’ in an exam as a failure?
Can a marriage be happy and lasting all at the same time? Isn’t a lasting marriage that’s also happy a statistical anomaly? When there are so many marriages, isn’t it a statistical possibility that at least one must be happy and lasting? (Just as a coin tossed up several times should at least once land on its edge is a statistical anomaly.)
Any attempt to learn their ‘secret of a happy and lasting marriage’ and follow it is therefore doomed to fail. For instance, some people live comfortably, remain healthy all their life and die peacefully despite having every vice a person can possibly have.
One must seek to answer this question before marriage: What is a successful marriage? In other words, can a marriage that simply lasts and lasts really be termed successful?
Marriage hopefuls must ask themselves (and each other) what they expect from each other. It’s important to be specific and not abstruse and say, for instance, ‘I want to be respected’, is it not? Nobody marries in order to be unhappy, yet should they not be warned of that possibility so they’ll ensure it will not be unhappy?
Nobody marries hoping for a short-lived marriage, yet should they not be warned of that possibility so they’ll ensure it will not dissolve naturally?
Isn’t it better (and more practical) to aim for a happy marriage than a lasting one? How many couples are putting any effort into family instead of just keeping the marriage chugging along?
It is always good to start a venture on a positive note. But will it not help couples to be engaged to know there is a chance, no matter how slim, that their marriage may fail or live up to their expectations? In other words, isn’t it a good idea to keep a marriage first-aid kit always ready and handy?
Is it true that people are often less careful in arranging the marriage as they are arranging the wedding?
How to tell if a marriage is happy? For instance, who does the husband wish goodbye when he leaves home for work every day — his children, or his wife, or none?
Isn’t match-making, casual or professional, the best way to conceal a bad marriage?
Finally: Is the real Indian tamasha our politics or our marriages? After all, without any protest from any quarter, frogs were recently wedded. Wedded!
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