Stubborn Child Law! I was quite intrigued when I set my eyes on the title of a write-up about the liability of disobedient male children. This was Massachusetts in the 17th century and, more amazingly, the law was not repealed until as recently as 1973.
The contemporary times are, in my opinion, quite ready for an obverse law — one that defines the liability of parents for their kids’ bad behaviour. Radical as it may sound, if that ever becomes law in India, more than half of even the ‘educated’ parents might end up being found guilty under it.
Puns aside, any such law, radical or (il)logical, would be socially undesirable for various reasons. However, that does not mean that parents should absolved of all responsibility for the misdeeds, or even the lack of basic civilities, in their children. Sadly, in India embracing and displaying social graces and manners is only in the adult domain and their active teaching to children is conveniently abandoned.
Children are expected to learn them when they grow up and not as a part of their growth process. Perhaps the surmise is that suddenly, upon attaining a certain age, manners would automatically get downloaded in the child’s microchip.
Till that divine intervention happens, they are allowed to scribble on walls — because any control there might just stifle their creativity and deprive the world of another Picasso, no less.
They can play outdoor games while being indoors (be it in malls, restaurants or private residences) and yell and ricochet like a jallikattu bull. All this, while the bewildered host wonders how to get the George out of the jungle! They can pee in public, for they are children after all! And now that they are off diapers, they might as well make good irrigational use of their newfound ‘freedom’!
Atrocious examples of such profound disinterest or complacency in disciplining one’s own kids can are countless indeed.
Recently I had to play host and guide to a Japanese family with children, on a heritage trip to the Old Fort. After the mandatory distribution of chocolates amongst children, I could not help but notice that they were not eating any of those — all because there was no waste bin in sight to throw the wrappers in! With astonishment and praise of the dropped-jaw variety, I found myself getting flashes of a contra-memory. Memory of an Indian parent chiding his kid for not wiping his face properly after eating the golgappas — and then throwing the paper plate and napkin right on to the road! Any Nirmal Bharat or Swachch Bharat assertions are possible with this mentality, I wonder...
I do not claim to be an expert at parenting. I’m just an observant mother spoilt into logical thinking by legal education. And in my opinion, one question that begs attention is this — should we leave everything to the ‘oh-so-inadequate’ education system of the country for doing a messy job with kids, or should we finally accept that there is something systemically warped in our own style of nurturing our young ones?
Indulgent Indian parents remain so besotted with inculcating an aggressive spirit of pursuing good academic scores in their wards, which children grapple with basic civic sense, civility, humility and compassion.
‘Be a leader’, one school motto says; and teachers doggedly insist that the child would ‘lag behind’, if s/he does not become ‘initiative-driven’. The parents, in response, bludgeon that child with an impossible number of tuition and coaching sessions. Only if we could collectively realise that leaders have to be good followers first — followers of a mannered, disciplined and civil life, which only parents can provide, leading by example. Whether we need a law to achieve that or only a magical Nanny McPhee can put us on the path of self-correction is for us to consider and answer.
sunanda.bharti@gmail.com
