Most consider peer pressure as an external force that hinders us from living our life. But it is all in our mind.
In an episode of a popular debate show broadcast a few months ago, there was a discussion on whether a baby’s first birthday should be celebrated or not. One of the common points parents on each side of the argument put forth was peer pressure. Those who were in favour of the celebration said they had no choice but to do it because of peer pressure, while the opposite side said first birthday parties should be discouraged because it forced parents to spend beyond their means, courtesy of peer pressure.
So what is peer pressure? It is an influence by which you do something because you want to feel valued or accepted by your friends or society. It can be something as small as being forced to do well in studies because the child next door is performing better than you in academics during your school days, or something big that forces you to choose a career or even a life partner. But the mental pressure and stress it exerts on us is the same no matter what. It destroys our self-esteem, would make us question our self-worth, and pushes us into depression and worse, suicide. So many families have lost dear ones, been pushed into debt and deprived of peace of mind because of this peer pressure.
But what gives it so much power and control over us?
The answer is simple. It’s our lack of self-esteem. As we all know, right from our birth, we Indians have been taught to fit in. We have always been taught to follow something that is tried and tested; something that is being accepted by society as a successful method of living. Thinking out of the box is alien to our society. We blindly follow the societal norms and end up forgetting to live a life of our own. We keep looking at others to do something that would give us validation. When it’s beyond our capabilities, such as conducting an expensive marriage, buying a high-end car or celebrating your child’s first birthday lavishly, insecurity creeps in. Questions such as “What if so and so thinks that I am inferior?”, and “Will society accept me?” pop up in our mind.
So, what can be done to avoid this peer pressure from affecting our lives? First, we need to understand the fact that peer pressure is not an external factor. It is a fear conjured up by our brain due to our lack of self-esteem. If we realise this, we will never fear what others will think of us. Parents play a key role in this. They need to accept the fact that each child is unique and not here to fulfil their expectations. They need to nurture the child’s individuality. Then, coming generations will be free of peer pressure.
suganthram1@gmail.com
