While I hear complaints from every nook and corner about the neglect and shunting of older people, I too watch what is going on exactly to satisfy myself as I am also a senior citizen.
This may be true in financially crippled families where the family head is forced to carry a lot of responsibility; but those who are (read my-gen people in the age group 60-70) seem to be really having a ball.
I happened to spend some time with two of my school-mates a few months back. One is in Chennai and other in Mumbai. The Chennai couple’s daughter is in London and son in California. Naturally, they visit their son and daughter every year, if not for six months, at least for two to three months. Since they have an independent house and a spacious flat in Bengaluru, they move there during summer to escape the humid Chennai. I will not be surprised during my next visit if they claim they own a villa in the emerging posh senior citizen community near Mamallapuram or Coimbatore and relax a few days over there.
While in Chennai they have a tight schedule, visiting relatives, friends, malls, temples, sabhas and multiplexes. They eat out in the places of their choice and I could get a few tips on the restaurants too, from budget to luxurious.
My Mumbai buddy lives in a luxurious three-BHK flat near Santacruz airport and his two sons and daughters-in-law who are all employed have their flats within the same gated community. They meet over breakfast, lunch or dinner as per their convenience. Since my friend couldn’t get away from the Madras Syndrome (when he left here and settled in Mumbai 40 years before, it was Madras) he frequents the South for any function in his or his wife’s circle and dine not only at the function but also in the choicest hotels of Chennai. Since his wards are in India, he had already toured Europe a couple of times with his entire family on holidays.
My colleague who had willingly settled in his native Mysuru after superannuation keeps moving to the places of his choice whenever the couple feels bored of Mysuru. Their son and daughter are in the U.S., one in the east coast near New York and the other in the west, in California. They have visited the U.S. twice and had done a whirlwind tour from the east coast to west coast and Niagara. Currently, he is planning to move into a senior citizens’ home and visited some of them in Bengaluru and Coimbatore. They did not like the ambience of the Bengaluru home and liked the Coimbatore abode. But, availability is a problem. I have given him a suggestion to have a look at a new one coming up at Mamallapuram. They too tour around whenever they are in the mood. Earlier, they had planned a visit to Bhutan with their son, who was supposed to come at the year-end but that trip was postponed.
One of my cousins, who is basically a simpleton, whose two daughters have settled in Chicago and San Francisco, have been engaging them every year for six months. When they stay in Chennai he and his wife take pilgrimage trips to temples in the South quite often. ‘Is it not tiring?’ I asked. ‘We prefer to travel only on day-long tours. Anyway, nights we are stationed in some hotel. So we don’t feel much. Above all, when we visit the temple and pray we forget all the fatigue’, replied his wife. True! After all, the mind controls the body, isn’t it?
I have a senior colleague whose children have migrated to Canada and they are in Toronto and Montreal. He and his wife also stay there for six months but visit Chennai during the December-January music season as he is a connoisseur of classical music. He stays either in his flat in Bengaluru or his son’s flat in Chennai. He says he reads not less than 50 to 60 books when he stays in Canada apart from collecting and collating the audio cassettes of popular Carnatic musicians.
Another lady colleague of mine who fixed a home in a senior citizens’ place near Cuddalore and Puducherry explained to me about the friendly and happy atmosphere there. She and her husband also move around India and she had gone on a trip to Japan recently. Earlier she went to Europe a few years back and stayed for a month in London since she had some relatives there. In fact, they are childless. Whenever they want to enjoy city life they moved to their house in Chennai.
Once a lady had sent me a detailed mail after reading one of my stories published in a Tamil weekly; that story talked about life in a village once upon a time and the present-day life with all the modern gadgets. She said she and her husband were staying in a senior citizens’ home in Coimbatore where they enjoy all comforts and the place was quite peaceful. Her daughter lives abroad and her son is in Bengaluru. But the couple preferred to stay in the home with all the comforts and even invited me to visit once to get the real feeling.
Me? I am also a senior citizen and single. But, I don’t have any grudge against anyone or anything. While some of my peers still work as consultants to some organisations in between their stays in Sydney or London, I continue to stay at home and take a trip abroad or within the country if I feel like it. My hours are mostly spent reading and writing. I paint and draw when I have the mood. I’m quite computer and smart phone savvy and myself manage things relating to my travels and payments. I go to multiplexes to watch certain movies. I go for music concerts if the singer is good. Once in a while I go for a drink or two with younger friends.
The parents of one of my young students recently spent three months in their son’s home in Singapore and now they have flown to Melbourne to their daughter’s place for another three months.
Where is the question of any complaints, and for what? All these seniors talk to their children through Skype, Google or WhatsApp as and when they like if they are in India. The grandchildren are invariably precocious and one said: ‘Though my grandson is nine years old, as he is in London he discusses Brexit at length.’
I remember a full page advertisement a few years back placed by a gentleman on his sixtieth birthday, whose children were spread all over the world from Singapore, Geneva to United States.
Now, please tell me, where is the problem?
The problems can come once they fall sick, agreed. For that also arrangements are made. A doctor visits homes and for those in senior citizens’ places doctors are always available.
Can we imagine any of these facilities in ‘those good old days?’
What we have been harping on is closeness and financial dependence. Well, closeness, after an age, changes whether it is in the same house, within the country or abroad. Financial dependence only was bonding at all times. Today, those who have worked and retired get pension or other income from their investments, or some from their children, if needed.
We Indians have a tendency to grumble and mumble at the slightest provocation and try to blow things out of proportion. The bitter fact is that life hinges only on financial stability and soundness. When that is disturbed, people are affected.
Children or no children, single or a pair, as long as you are healthy, financially comfortable and independent, just live your life instead of piling complaints. In fact, none of these persons I have mentioned nurture any grudge against their children who are far away.
Conversely, they all feel proud of them.
