What is the literal meaning of ‘arranged marriage’? The dictionary meaning of ‘marriage’ gives you the concept of “a formally or legally recognised union of two people as partners”. The verb ‘arranged’ is defined as putting things in a “neat, attractive and required order”. So, arranged marriage meetings stand for fixing all your flaws in no time, or forgetting all your flaws in no time, and meeting a person expecting him or her to be flawless?
The topic of arranged marriage these days has come to be seen in a different light compared to an earlier time. These days in arranged marriages also you often get to meet your potential partner a few times before you decide to opt for marital bliss. It sounds so progressive and liberating, but there are different dimensions to it, which start with the very first meeting with the guy in question (I could decipher the meaning much later; the man who is still wrapped in his own questions).
This is the story of every single, independent woman waiting, wanting or being forced to get married but has a different length and breadth to it. Are you single, meet guys and have people around you telling you that you are perfect marriage material? But you have still not met your partner or even remotely liked someone?
Before you blame that zit on your face that you considered responsible for his not liking you, let me save you from the high fees of a dermatologist. The reason is not that pimple, it’s him. Every time I meet a guy or have a short conversation over the phone (read arranged through parents) I see a dim light in the ‘societal dark tunnel’ built for me. There is a handsome package, a good-looking, gym- going man, a swanky car and “a glittery life for social media”. Then why is it that I am still single? Introspection, memory recalls and collecting my conversations with these men made me realise one thing that is common to them: indecisiveness, not about me but about their own selves.
Girls, you might have become bold and independent, defying the “P” of the centuries, patriarchy, but let me give you a reality check: men are still the same. They study, earn degrees, work in MNCs and have varied kinds of highly paid jobs, but the one thing they have not really been able to get rid of is patriarchy. It’s a universal truth that women have been a victim of this mard pradhan society, but let me assure you, men are also victims of the same. They are torn between the choice of a wild but sansakari female; educated but not very independent; know-everything types but silent enough not to voice her opinion. They need a “breathing robot” who they can give commands to enter into the acche din of their lives.
I have heard some amazing one-liners (worth being translated into a quote book for single girls) from those progressive premier institute men, who society thinks are quiet a catch. At one point of time I was dying to give a standing ovation to some of them at the kind of comic performances they gave.
My mother’s healthy diet from childhood gave me a very sharp memory and I can recall that I did not mention: non-adjustment, dictatorship or anything of that sort. They did! I chose my disciplined routine, curly hair, study-time and gossip moments over them all. Touching 30 reduces your chances to around 30% in the Indian marriage market (these calculations have been a result of the experiences and stories of all these girls around me, me included).
The question that I have faced repeatedly is: you are so smart, then why did you not marry? Your decisions can be taken as meaning that you are being too choosy or not interested in marriage. And believe me girls, if you are studying (Oh god, at the age of 30 and above?) even on scholarships and not earning, these corporate machines cannot digest it; off course their mechanised bodies cannot do that. If by any chance you dare to meet someone who is less educated than you or not earning that fat a salary, be prepared to be judged for some kami in you because they think of being worthless to a girl like you.
I have neatly categorised these men looking for girls in the arranged marriage market. There are the “pseudo-progressive” men, the “I can’t get over my ex-” men, the “you are too smart to handle” men, the “you are more educated than me” men and the “will you want to work after marriage” men (please customise it according to your experience). Let me assure you, when you read their highly organised biodata in circulation you get tears of joy that finally men have liberated themselves. Just when you begin to think you fit into the criteria there comes a time for a reality check. Those words were a work of fiction; it was constructed by taking clues from some women-friendly quotes and websites. ROFL….
This is the tip of the iceberg and there are many such instances we girls may have to offer. The long and the short of the collection of all the short stories which I have to offer is that most men do not know if they are ready for marriage. So in they set up random meetings and put you in a situation where you refuse to go ahead.
This is a well-played strategy because they want to assure their families that the girl was too demanding. But let us not blame them at all because they are so engrossed in changing their phones, cars and buying flats that they forget they are being changed for the worse. They try hard to merge science, emotion and society together and evidently fail because this union brings out nothing but chaos in their lives.
Our genetic industry will get a boost when customised cloning will happen for such men where certain traits in their potential partners will be suppressed and certain traits retained. I will not be surprised if next time I am asked to fill a form to see if I qualify for the bridal race for the young men around me; though virtual forms have been filled many times. The indecisiveness of men these days is something to rejoice for because I see a book coming up which would be titled “Twenty first century and men: An era of chaotic choices”.
Disclaimer: I am an independent single woman who is not against men, marriage, or partner love. The right to choose one’s partner is very personal and an individual choice. But the road to this choice is very demanding!
shaveta_003@yahoo.com
