Letter from a concerned reader Opinion

Elementary, dear Kamalam

Respected Madam/Sir,

Whether you are married or single or some in-between situation? Whatever is convenient for you is ok for me. My what goes. But if you are in some above situation then you are well knowing that other person can have good and bad points. Nobody is perfect except maybe Suhasini. But if you ask Mani Ratnam then one hundred percent he will say she is doing this and that irritations.

Maybe she is always putting remote control here and there. Or folding newspaper as if lungi from washing machine. Or maybe doing Hindu crossword with ballpoint pen instead of pencil like any decent persons.

Whether any perfect people are there? Never.

Maybe you are thinking what about Mrs. Mathrubootham? Whether she is perfect?

Mostly she is perfect. But sometimes, very rarely, maybe less than five times in 12 months, very very rarely, I am not even complaining, just an observation, I didn’t want to say, I am only saying because you are asking, sometimes very rarely she is getting very much agitated about small small items.

Two days back I had one idea. Inspiration is coming through my body like anything. Hair is standing up. I got up from sofa like hair on neck and went to the dining room where Kamalam is sitting with calculator and notebooks. I said, Kamalam! I have one idea!

She said, you first come here. Five hundred rupees is missing. My head is exploding. I cannot find it anywhere.

Madam/ Sir, once every two weeks Kamalam is sitting and doing full accounts. Detail means even 50p coins being counted.

I said, Kamalam I will immediately help you find the missing money but shall I first tell you my one idea? She said, no. First find five hundred rupees then idea. Did you have secret ras malai in Ganga Sweets? Did you put secret biryani dinner with Mohammed Usman at 5.30 p.m.? I said, Kamalam, after Corona, secret biryani with Usman is postponed indefinitely.

Ok, she said, you put one investigation and tell me where is the money? Once more I said Kamalam please first listen to my amazing new idea? No chance, first money then idea.

Madam/ Sir, for three hours I checked everything. Bills, receipts, online bank account, all the purses. Inside sofa, behind sofa, inside pant pocket, inside shorts pocket, checked. Any sign of ₹500? Not even dust.

Finally, I went to dining room where Mrs. M is sitting quietly. I said, Kamalam I have done full and complete investigation. No sign of money. Shall I put idea now?

She put one brand new copy of Lionel Davidson superhit novel The Night of Wenceslas in front of me. This book is on shelf inside toilet. Did you buy it? I said, yes. When? I purchased it online and gave cash on demand to delivery boy. Did you take receipt? No, I thought what I will do with receipt? So only I didn’t take.

She looked at me silently for 10 minutes like biryani master looking at chicken. Then she said, ok what is the idea? I quickly said I have forgotten and I disappeared.

Madam/ Sir, what was my idea? It was to write one detective novel for the first time. Hero of book is one retired bank employee living in Chennai in housing complex and solving all crimes and problems for colony people. No problem is too big or small for hero.

If I told this idea to Mrs. Mathrubootham, can you imagine the laughing and laughing?

So I did one silence is golden item and went back to the living room.

Yours in exasperation

Detective J. Mathrubootham


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Printable version | Jun 21, 2021 1:28:22 PM | https://www.thehindu.com/opinion/elementary-dear-kamalam/article32693755.ece

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