Respected sir/madam,
Some days back I woke up in the morning after sound sleep but I became totally shocked after looking at South Indian Bank wall calendar that I have attached to my almirah with cellotape. Wall calendar should be on the wall sir, you are thinking. One hundred percent. But Mrs. Mathrubootham will not let me put even single nail or screw in the wall because it will reduce the resale value of our residence.
“Who is daring to think of selling this house when I am still living in it? What nonsense, are you planning Kamalam to steal property from your own family, like Vadivukarasi in superhit Rajinikanth film Arunachalam ?”
She said, “Please calm down, Bloodpressure Balasubramaniam. I am just making long-term plans for the benefit of our children. After our days maybe they will want to dispose and make their own arrangements?
Ha ha ha ha I laughed like Yezdi motorcycle. Our children will make arrangements it seems. Whether you have actually met our son Kamalam, or you only communicate via post? Last week I told him to arrange one boiled egg sandwich for my evening tea. He spent one hour looking for toast recipe on the Internet, and then 45 minutes looking at YouTube videos of egg boiling. Finally, he gave me such horrible sandwich I called Apollo Hospital for rough cost of mouth transplant.
Anyway, I quietly put calendar on the almirah with cellotape. And I was shocked to realise that it was already November! What happened to August? And I have no memory of July. Time is passing too quickly.
I suddenly remembered that for 2017 I made self-commitment to make my weight reach 80 kilos. I am currently 83 kilos because of high bone density. Immediately I decided to go to Anna Tower Park for power walk. There I spotted Mr. Balaraman walking towards me at high speed. He waved his hand. I tried to ignore by looking into the sky as if I was thinking of complex issues such as inflation, Beethoven, if a railway station does not have platform is it still compulsory to purchase platform ticket, and like that.
But, bloody fool fellow came and took my hand without authorisation and shook it vigorously. Come to my house this very moment, he said, let us watch eight-over cricket match between India and New Zealand, we will power walk to my house.
Sir/ Madam, as you know, Mr. Balaraman is a very dear old friend but nowadays I hate him very much. Every time I meet him he is trying to show off expensive new items. Here I am not allowed to purchase new bathroom slippers because so far hole is there only in left chappal. There this black money fellow is thinking of putting TV in the bathroom.
We went to his house, sat on new imported sofa. Just as the match started, he started looking at his phone. I said, “Mr. Balaraman you are not watching?”
“Of course I am watching but I don’t want to miss the news updates.”
After some time he put the phone down and picked up laptop. “Any emergency?” I asked.
“No, no. I was checking the news but maybe some important email has come?” After 10 minutes he offered to make some tea. But then he was checking the score continuously and boiled the water five times before actually making tea.
Sir/ Madam, why people cannot do one thing at one time anymore? When we are watching cricket we are checking news, when we are checking news we are reading email, when we are reading email, we are making tea… and nothing we are doing properly. It is a very bad trend. I felt pity for Mr. Balaraman. He has so much, but he is enjoying so little.
But, at least he has put many wonderful pictures and paintings and calendars on the wall. I asked him if all those things will not reduce resale value of the house.
He said, “Please wait one second. I have to make one urgent phone call about one email I got while I was making tea.
Yours in exasperation,
J. Mathrubootham
