What does it take for a woman to be crushed under the weight of dead dreams, pick herself up and carry on? What does it take for her to have lost, and lost again, and yet not give up on the desire to live?
Perhaps, as Jasleen Kaur says, it is your child telling you how loved you are, how proud they are of your strength: “It’s something only a mom can get.”
Ms. Kaur was among eight women who demonstrated, over the weekend, the stuff it takes to be not just a mother, but a single mother. To an all-women audience, they unravelled more than just their life stories. They put their most vulnerable selves out there, and showed the unbeatable spirit that broke stereotypes and weathered storms for the sake of their children. They were all part of ‘Maa Hoon Na,’ an event that celebrated their courage, at the Fun Republic Social recently.
Ms. Kaur realised, a month into her marriage, that her husband and she were incompatible. Their verbal battles soon turned into physical abuse. At 21, she gave birth to a boy and was the “happiest woman on earth”. The years rolled by, but the abuse did not stop. She walked out of the marriage, but her husband took the son with him.
‘Challenging experience’
Ms. Kaur got herself a job, and while she was making a fresh start for herself, her son was subjected to torture in another city, perhaps her husband’s way of hitting back at her. The son soon moved in with her and she began to take care of his needs, travelling by bus, working overtime so they could both be comfortable. Her life changed again on August 28, 2017, when her son died. At this point in the story, Ms. Kaur’s audience let out a collective gasp. “I didn’t want to cry here,” she said, fighting back the lump forming in her throat. “He wanted me to be strong.” He had told her she was the best mother on earth, that he was proud of her.
“Motherhood is the single most challenging, healing, emotional experience ever,” said Manasi Scott, singer, songwriter and actor, as she narrated her story of abuse, separation and raising her son all by herself. “Single motherhood goes even beyond and empowers you like nothing else.”
Ms. Scott too knew she had to leave her abusive husband for the sake of her child: “It takes a child to tell you this ain’t cool stuff.” Her moment came when the principal of her son’s boarding school called her, and she went in, like all parents do, with trepidation. “She said, ‘I’ve never met a child who at age nine shows respect for women, stands up for them, and writes an essay on how proud he is of his mommy’.” She said she had no idea if the way she raised her son was right or wrong, but she knew that as long as he was proud of her, she was doing a good job. The learning was mutual. “He taught me to let go of fear, sing for the love of it.”
There were other stories celebrated that evening. Of Ranjana Patel, who gave her daughter the wings to pursue her dream as a mountaineer — the youngest climber to Mount Everest. Of ‘warrior’ Rupa Sampat, who played mother and father for her son following her husband’s death. Of Rashmi Sawant, who ‘lived life on her terms’ to show her daughters that life and marriage were not about abuse and suffering. Of Meenakshi Sethi, who chose to live away from her husband in Jabalpur and pursue a career in the entertainment industry in Mumbai so that her son could be looked after. And of Ashima Chibber, who realised her childhood dream of becoming a mother without a partner through in vitro fertilisation, after her 43rd birthday.
Words of encouragement
Those who had come to hear these stories were not passive observers. In that small room, the tears flowed freely when someone on stage spoke of losing a child or a partner. Boxes of their own struggles were silently being ticked. Hugs celebrated the little triumphs, and there were words of encouragement for those fighting real-world battles. “Please cry,” Ms. Kaur was told, when she tried hard to hold back her tears. Another voice went out to Ms. Patel, “Tell them how you got pregnant!”
No subject was taboo, no story too difficult to digest. There was a crucible that held every raw emotion, in a shared space of power.
That was perhaps what Shruti Seth, the driving force behind Festivelle, organiser of the event, was looking for. The event, she said, aimed to tell younger women that no one will support them like other women.
Women are now changing the narrative, she said. “They are saying their marriages had not worked out, but it was not the end of their life.” It’s a difficult road to take, but the stories will empower those on the fence, she said. “They are also saying, ‘I don’t want to wait for the right person or be set in a career and then plan a baby. Why can’t we disrupt the flow chart?’”
Gul Panag, co-organiser, said the event was about mothers who stayed single out of choice. “It’s also an ode to women who say they don’t need to settle for anything because their biological clock is ticking.”
To Ms. Panag, it’s a great time to be alive, as the world is giving women the life they choose. While acceptance does not come easy — “it will make a lot of people uncomfortable because they are not used to women taking charge” — we are raising happy people, and that should be the endgame.
Aroushka D’Mello (25), who was in the audience, found she could relate to the speakers as her parents had just separated. “I wish my mom was here, it would have given her a lot of strength,” she said. “This is exactly what I needed to hear,” said Gwenda Schobert from Germany, who recently got divorced. “As women, we can relate to other women’s stories.”
‘All superheroes’
But the biggest validation came from Charitra Shetty, who shared her story as the daughter of a mother. “You are all superheroes,” she said. “How do you do this?” Ms. Shetty saw her mother’s fighting spirit come through in a marriage with a man who did not play the role of husband or father, and her brother’s death. “My mother said I needed to share this story, not because we were dwelling on it, but because we were supporting other women.”
The women who were there, who participated in every story, knew one thing for sure: a community can move things.
