Leeza Mangaldas never thought she would get paid to talk about sex when she started creating sex positive content six years ago. The sex educator, author and influencer has over eight lakh followers on Instagram today, is among a magazine’s most influential young Indians 2021-2022 and is social media’s favourite go-to person for sex advice.
In her first book, The Sex Book: A Joyful Journey of Self Discovery, released in October, Leeza delves into the basics of sex and sexuality, sexual health, the body, gender and identity. From the time she started conversing about sex through her podcasts, Leeza has been debunking myths and trying to create a judgement free-space for talking about sex. The idea was to urge people to rethink the way they had been taught to think about sex. While she began discussing pleasure-oriented sex and gender equality in pleasure without shame or judgement, she found that it resonated with a number of people. The book, she says, is a culmination of what she has learnt in her journey as a sex educator. “I have brought in a number of questions I have received from people. Of course, names have been changed,” she adds.
Leeza Mangaldas’s book | Photo Credit: Special Arrangement
Compassionate, empathetic
When she set out to write the book, all Leeza aspired for was for it to not feel like a textbook. “Even though it is packed with information, I didn’t want it to read like a public health manifesto. I wanted it to be compassionate, empathetic and human.”
Sex positive content is important as it would serve to remove fear and shame around sex, at least to a small extent. “It is not just about prevention of infection or pregnancy; it is about how sex can be enjoyable. How one can aspire to have a phenomenal and profound experience,” she says.
Judgement-free sex ed
It is important to empower people with scientifically-accurate information, especially now when 90 per cent of young people turn to the internet when they have questions about sex. “The most easily available sexual media is porn, most of which is misogynistic and violent and this is why we need to provide an alternative source of information – a comprehensive, queer inclusive, pleasure inclusive, judgement free sex education. And that is why I do what I do,” says Leeza.
While schools still lag behind in providing sex education and families are still not forthcoming with information, young people don’t turn to credible authorities with their questions. “I was lucky to grow up in an environment where I could confidently turn to my parents for information. But I know I am in a minority. Young people are some times even deliberately given misleading information, especially about masturbation, premarital sex and ideas of sex being painful and shameful are passed on,” she says. Parents and schools should provide age-appropriate sex education and it is never too early or too late to start, she adds. “Young people who have access to comprehensive sex education and who can talk to trusted adults about sex and sexual health are actually more likely to delay having sex and less likey to take risks with their own or another person’s safety. It would eliminate shame-laden curiosity and help children navigate sexuality in a responsible way.”
Leeza says her constant aim is to normalise conversations around sexuality. “When you talk about something without shame, people share their most private stories. They see me as someone who is definitely not going to judge them. If we could just create those environments in our eco systems, we could help create a gender equal and sex positive society.”
Decolonising Indian sexuality
Leeza also talks about the need to decolonise Indian sexuality. India, the land of the Kamasutra, celebrated sexuality in its art and iconography. “But we seem to have inherited the morality of Victorian England. We speak about queer sexuality as if it is a western import. There is so much in India that celebrates the fluidity of sexuality and gender identity. The fact that women are and deserve to be sexual beings if they so choose and are entitled to pleasure has been well embedded in our system,” she says.
An audio version of the book is available on Audible. “An audiobook has a more intimate, personal quality. It would feel like a conversation between equals,” Leeza says.
