I have always been afraid of Big Brother, even before I read 1984 , which only confirmed my suspicions. Most of us are, to a greater or lesser extent. It’s because of the circumstances of our birth. When we first come into the world, naked and wriggling, we feel like we can do anything. We are wild and free. After the initial euphoria, things go rapidly downhill.
Soon people begin to order us about. Get your hand out of the potty! Drink your milk! Don’t wear your underwear on your head! Stop flushing the Lego! Stay away from the bougainvillea! Shortly afterwards, you find yourself staying in late at the office, making elaborate, meaningless diagrams for your boss’ PowerPoint presentation. The fascists are all around us, making us bow to their will.
You could argue that resistance is unnecessary, and we should simply go with the flow. But if there’s one thing I’ve learnt, it’s this. Things can always get worse. We may be living and dying in subjugation, but there are times when men and women of principle have to stand up against the forces of tyranny. This is one of those times.
A new threat has arisen. The concept of Chief Wellness Officer is being floated, even in reputable publications like The Hindu . It’s a call to arms. Action is needed. We cannot stand idly by while they proliferate. Companies have always focused on health. It’s a way to pretend that they care. By and large, this involved an annual visit to the company doctor. He would feel your pulse, ask you to cough, and certify you completely fit. He never even took a blood sample, because the company was already sucking enough of it. He was pleasant, and happy to chat. He never took too much interest.
The Chief Wellness Officer, on the other hand, will be deeply interested, but have no budget, because the last thing the company wants to do is spend more money on you. He will not, therefore, be in a position to give you analgesics, or mild laxatives, or perform minor procedures. Instead, he will provide advice and instruction. He will define principles and lay out guidelines. He will examine lifestyles and regulate food choices. He will ask you to cut down on drinking. These were the few parts of your life that you could still call your own, but not any more.
Now they will be part of your Annual Assessment, with adverse remarks such as ‘tends to lose focus during meditation’ and ‘refuses to eat yoghurt.’ Your bonus will be linked to your Body Mass Index. Meetings will end with Vedic chanting. If your company has hired a Chief Wellness Officer, there’s no time to waste. Rise up now, before it’s too late. Your lifestyle is all you have left. Don’t let them take it away.
In Shovon Chowdhury’s most recent novel, Murder With Bengali Characteristics , Governor Wen is unable to procure the penis of a Royal Bengal Tiger, because there aren’t any
