Mr. Narendra Modi put his foot in his mouth again last week with his backhanded compliment to Bangladeshi PM Sheikh Hasina, praising her for fighting terrorism “despite being a woman”. But the real problem is worse than the comment – that Mr. Modi doesn’t even realise he said anything wrong. On social media, his fans argued, ‘He paid a compliment; what’s wrong with it?’
Many Indians will agree. It is taken for granted that being a woman prevents you from doing many things and being many things. Our women often hear these remarks: ‘Despite being a woman, she is arrogant.’ ‘Despite being a woman, she can’t cook.’ ‘Despite being a woman, she is short-tempered.’ ‘Despite being a woman, she drives fast.’ From skills to personality traits, it is taken for granted that ‘being a woman’ means some things are acceptable and some not.
Patriarchy is so ingrained in our society that Mr. Modi and his ilk cannot begin to contemplate what gender equality really means. Or how hard women have fought to change the language and narratives by and about them.
If you need a hint of Mr. Modi’s biases, listen to his thunderous speeches. Besides the fact that he universally patronises his audiences, the thread of patriarchy is distinct. He always refers to women as maa-behen (mothers and sisters), never just women. In an election speech in Uttar Pradesh, he told his audience to plant five trees if a daughter is born and “sell the timber to fund her wedding”. He told bankers that “if a woman stands with a pickle bottle, sales will increase”. When asked about female malnourishment in Gujarat, he said it’s because the women are figure-conscious. In a speech at FICCI, his example of a strong woman was a mother who burns her fingers trying to make perfect chapatis for her husband.
This is not the language of a man who understands gender equality. He believes he respects women. In Mr. Modi’s world, women are ‘respected’ when they are protected by father or brother. Respect is calling them ‘ devi ’. Respect is appreciating their work in the kitchen. This category of respect is dangerous. What if you are not a maa but a single woman pursuing a career? What if you are a ‘lazy woman’ who makes Maggi noodles and not rotis ? What if you aren’t a devi but someone who runs away from home to live with a boyfriend? The Modi brand of respect will certainly not be extended to you.
What is this ‘respect’, really? It is a pat on the head for women who don’t break the rules of patriarchy. And women become complicit in the deception when they seek this reassuring pat. Sisters must obey brothers about clothes and friends to earn the brother’s ‘protection’. Female employees must be non-threatening and biddable for reassured male bosses or colleagues to accept them.
Actually, I feel sorry for Mr. Modi. Given his provenance, he doesn’t have a clue about true female empowerment. For that, the mindset of an entire country has to change.
