There have been over 20 remakes of the classic 1844 novel, but director Paul W S Anderson's The Three Musketeers is the first to be shot in — fairly pointless — 3D. It's also a fairly pointless film.
The real scene-stealers of this latest adaptation of Alexandre Dumas' swashbuckling adventure are the movie's exquisitely conceived and intricately detailed costumes by Pierre-Yves Gayraud. More visual treats await the audience in the setting of the movie — lavish sets and some beautiful photography of period French architecture (though the film was apparently shot in Germany). Large chunks of the new film even remain faithful to the original story, but the cleaned-up, kid-friendly retelling is both charmless and humourless.
American actor Logan Lerman who plays the hot-tempered D'Artagnan looks as though he would have been more at ease in a tween comedy or surf-and-sand romance; he just doesn't work as the fiery centre of the film. The script gets him pretty quickly from the village to Paris. Through a series of contrivances — which exist in the original story but is filmed with heavy-handed expediency to get the plot going — his path crosses that of three famous Musketeers, a band of warriors he had actually hoped to join.
D'Artagnan finds that embittered Athos (Matthew MacFadyen), burly Porthos (Ray Stevenson) and spiritual-minded Aramis (Luke Evans) have been reduced to aimless wastrels with no cause to fight for, and a weak patron in the callow King Louis (Freddie Fox). It's a far cry from their former roles as the powerful warriors of the king, sworn to protect the throne and the honour of France.
In an unconvincing turn of events, the annoying D'Artagnan catches the eye of a lady of the court, Constance (Gabriella Wilde), re-energises the trio of Musketeers and gets everyone involved in thwarting the evil plans of Cardinal Richelieu (Christoph Waltz).
The Cardinal is scheming busily to provoke war between England and France — so he can move in and take control. Helping him are double-crossing double agent Milady De Winter (Milla Jovovich), a former lover of Athos, and an army of soldiers led by the eye-patch sporting Comte de Rochefort (Mads Mikkelsen). Rounding off the villains is the sartorially-minded Englishman, the Duke of Buckingham (Orlando Bloom).
The fate of the nations eventually hangs on a purloined diamond necklace of the Queen (Juno Temple) — and the Musketeers plus D'Artagnan are called upon to save the day.
Anderson — better known for the sci-fi franchise Resident Evil — and screenwriters Alex Litvak and Andrew Davies never seem to get a handle on the story or what they are trying to achieve with the remake. The US-Germany-France-UK co-production of The Three Musketeers has a choppy script, poor dialogue, some miscasting and a steampunk aesthetic that adds up to a less than swashbuckling tale. Yes, it does offer a few interesting conceits such as some CGI-assisted creations of da Vinci's flying machines, but, to paraphrase the Musketeers' motto, it's all for one, and all for naught.
The Three Musketeers
Genre: Action Adventure
Director: Paul W. S. Anderson
Cast: Logan Lerman, Matthew Macfadyen, Milla Jovovich, Christoph Waltz, Orlando Bloom
Storyline: Wanabe Musketeer D'Artagnan reenergises three Musketeers gone-to-seed to save the day and the honour of the Queen.
Bottomline: Expect a blunt swordfight rather than rapier-sharp thrust and parry
