One of the best pieces of wisdom I received was from a cab driver, some years ago. When asked if it was going to be a difficult drive to the airport, he replied, “Well, if you expect it to be smooth at this time of the evening, during rush hour, then yes, it’s going to be difficult. But if you are prepared for the congestion, then… well, it’s just a slow drive.”
Clearly, it’s all about attitude. You can complain about the bad traffic till you’re blue in the face, but the traffic will not go away. Or you can plan your travel taking into account the bad traffic.
Heavy traffic is a circumstance you have to deal with, and find a way through. It’s not a problem you can solve — unless, of course, you are part of the government machinery, or the traffic police, that administers roads!
As we make our way through life, it is important to distinguish between circumstances and problems. You (usually) can’t do much about the former, unless you have the option (or the luxury) of leaving them or restructuring your living situation. You have to find a way to manage them or work with them, as far as is within your power. Not all circumstances can be changed — such as where you live, the classroom you find yourself in, the office team you have to work with, and so on.
If something is identified as a problem, on the other hand, it means a solution exists, even when it may not be visible or within easy reach. The problem could be an aspect of the circumstance that you can address, or it is the thing that has to be managed or worked around. In other words, a problem is something that is solvable and it is worth applying your intelligence or other resources to it.
Let’s take a common classroom situation. You have been assigned a group task, and as often happens, the group is not to your liking. There are some people you get along with, and others you don’t; and you suspect that you could have done a better job if you had a different group. But the reality is that you can’t change the group.
So what are the circumstances and what are the problems here?
The circumstance is the group itself, and its members, and the fact that you have to work with it. There is no option to change the group constitution and there is no option not to do the task. It’s just the way it is.
The first step is to acknowledge the situation — as a group, and as individuals, and then begin to frame questions that help you work through it. How can you tease out, within this circumstance, the problems that can be addressed (and solved)? These are the things you need to do or think about so that the group can work productively together. Why do all of you not get along (outlining the circumstance)? What can you do to get past that (defining the problem)? How can you divide responsibilities so that you minimise friction (coming up with solutions)?
Of course, even after going through this exercise it won’t be an easy process — but at least you can see the way forward.
Applying a similar logic to a lot of life’s situations can help save ourselves some unnecessary frustration and find the energy to tackle the things that can be tackled, while recognising those that we just need to accept! For the time being, anyway.
The author teaches at the University of Hyderabad and edits Teacher Plus. Email: usha.bpgll@gmail.com
