One hundred and four! That’s how many tips Rob Kemp has for fathers in his new book, Dadding It!: Landmark Moments in Your Life as a Father... and How to Survive Them . All the way from childbirth to becoming a grandfather, Kemp offers simple, pithy advice and anecdotes from experienced hands. The tips, says Rob, are drawn from “stand-out moments in the life of a child that dads have an influence upon, or may experience too, or just need to know about.”
Dadding It: Landmark Moments in Your Life as a Father... and How to Survive Them by Rob Kemp, Bloomsbury
When Rob wrote his first book for dads in 2010, he says that while “a lot of lip service was paid to dads being more involved in the childcare”, it was not so in practice. “Work places were still reluctant to let fathers spend time with their new families and dads themselves felt pressure to put job before family.” Things have changed now with flexi work schedules, paternity leave, workplace crèches and family-focused policies, but he feels “there’s still a long way to go before we get anywhere near parity with mums.”
Speaking of his own experiences as a father, Rob accepts that he “made some bad mistakes in the beginning – not devoting the time I should have to home life, not being around enough when my son was a baby. Once I realised this, I became more actively involved in my son’s life every day.” And this showed him the “impact our actions and words have upon those who dote upon us and absorb all we do and say.” Being a father, according to him, “is the most important job we’ll ever have”; yet men rarely introduce themselves as a ‘father’.
Over the years, Rob has interviewed experts, academicians, and specialists and “lots of fathers” and thus gained much material. With this book, his aim was to “to provide information that readers will find useful and actionable but in a way that isn’t dry or off-putting. So much of parenting is genuinely funny, emotional, challenging and rewarding that it lends itself to being a topic that’s entertaining in itself. Our kids are often the funniest people we know in life; they provide so much in terms of content and life stories.” Of course, there’s a flip side; “parenting can be demanding; especially when those we love are harmed, ill or upset.” And the book has chapters on illnesses, struggling at school, dealing with bullying and more.
What’s most important, he asserts, is to “be there, whenever you can. You’re a vital cog in the child’s life from before they’re born. You build that relationship from when they’re in the womb and the more time you can spend with them, the more you get to know them and they get to know you.” He advises making family your priority and making sure you get time with them. His other pieces of advice are:
Get hands on. Change nappies, do feeds, baths, story time, play and generally do everything your wife or partner does. See both sides of the parenting dynamic and you’ll both appreciate each other more – making tough times easier and reducing the risk of conflict or tension that can occur when a new baby is in the house.
Read. Read. Read. Let your kids see you reading and make a habit of reading to them. Nurture a love of books and learning – especially in sons. It’s one of the easiest but most effective positive role modelling moves you can make.
Write about your child, take photos and keep a record of your time together from their earliest days. This helps you build a bond and to give your role as a father an identity. It’s a well-worn cliché but true that children grow up so quickly. Anything you can do to retain the memories and treasure every moment is fulfilling.
