For most of us, family gatherings are major events, opportunities for the members of the family to celebrate being a family. But the truth is that life is a mixed bag and such gatherings mostly come with dread and anticipation.
All of a sudden, there is so much love around that everyone starts feeling heaven in each other’s company. But more often than not, you are the one in target for an hour and are discovering all ways possible to break away from the aisle, take a nap and forget the real world under a pillow.
Most of us face them for different reasons, and sometimes such attending gatherings can mean surviving nosy questions and taking unsolicited advice from relatives and acquaintances. These questions could be those that are facts about yourself you don’t want people to know or could be questions coming from humble bragging parents who can’t stop comparing you with their apparently better-placed kids. And the grilling gets deeper if you don’t respond or put forth anything that satisfies them, adding fuel to the fire.
Questions about when I would get married and when I would get a real job are the ones that make me dread gatherings these days. On a brighter note, I’m happy to meet people who are all ears and want to enlighten me with all that they know to help me.
But in order to avoid certain uncomfortable situations, I tend to do some internal homework before I jump into any event. This could be trying to be patient when somebody shoots too many questions, or it could be thoughts about how much information to share with a person who I haven’t met in a while as it is difficult for one to find whether someone is really keen or are actually killing time.
The way to answer
While in many instances I have seen people reply to questions in an offensive manner without even thinking how much it can hurt the other person, it has always been hard for me to utter anything that might otherwise stress the one who is posing the question. I often tend to reply politely with half-hearted answers.
Sometimes I feel like avoiding them entirely, but then get reminded of the fact that it calls for a massive grudge and another frustrating round of questioning by them for not caring to talk properly. Most of the times, my inner voice asks me to blurt everything out, about my personal life, about my choices, and just say, “I want you to not intrude into my life anymore. I’m happy that I’m taking time to dig my potentials out, rather than getting into small talks, which is absolutely a waste of time.”
But when I foresee the consequences of giving such a rude reply, I roll back and try to be poised and respond in a humble manner. Although it may sound cowardly, it can avoid creating negative vibes in a relationship. In such situations, one should remember that time can prove everything and answering someone’s questions isn’t compulsory.
Actions speak louder and confession is not the only option. If you think participating in a conversation makes you jittery, you have the right to change the subject. But that comes only with mastery in the art of deflection.
So the next time someone puts a prying nose, we no more have to feel wedged. What we choose to share is certainly different from what we want to be asked to share.
jank@hotmail.co.in
