Senior students of a high-end school in the city went on a trip abroad recently. They decided to make a gesture they observed there — giving each other friendly hug — their own habit on returning to India. This, however, made the teachers and principal highly “uncomfortable”. They said it was “not acceptable in Indian culture” and not appropriate in schools.
Many city schools have an unwritten rule against boys and girls holding hands, hugging, and spending time in isolated areas. A student said such acts result in students being summoned, which teachers call “counselling” but students see as “reprimand.”
“They always say academics first, which is not always how it works. If I have had a fight with my boyfriend, I need to sort that first. I cannot focus on studies otherwise,” a Class 10 student candidly said, underlining the yawning gap between the perceptions of the school and the child’s own priorities and dilemmas.
While a relationship is “no big deal” according to her, it is “unacceptable” for parents and school. “Not having a boyfriend is perceived as not being cool among friends,” she said. A Class nine student said most of her classmates were in relationship, but they were always made to feel “ashamed” of it by teachers. “Of course, we cannot talk about it to parents at all.”
On the other side, teachers and school managements too have a difficult line to tread. A high school teacher said she is often at a loss on how to deal with situations. “We try to give them hints that we know what is happening. But when it goes out of hand and the students’ grades drop or it gets uncomfortable for the rest of the class, I try and deal with it,” she said.
This “dealing with” often involves summoning parents and even taunting in class. While some schools have appointed counsellors and have an adolescent education module, many are yet to put in place any system to help a child in the difficult growing years.
The recent incident in the city, where a Class 10 girl allegedly committed suicide after the school suspended her for one-and-a-half days for “objectionable” behaviour, has thrown the spotlight on how schools should deal with such situations.
“Everyone cannot be a counsellor and morals must never come in way of counselling. Instead, teaching children about their bodies and its changes, the nature of attraction, and promotion of healthy relationships are a must. It is absurdly unrealistic to expect that no attraction exists between the sexes in a co-educational school and that it will not be demonstrated at some point in some way,” said Yasmine Claire, teacher at Stonehill International School.
Lavanya Devdas, a counsellor, said a child needs to be given some autonomy to deal with his/her body image and peer pressure. “Reprimanding is of no use. What schools should instead do is try to sit and reason with the child,” she said.
