Human resources professional Aruna Desai suspected that her journalist son Abhishek was gay a year before he revealed the truth to her. On the day of his ‘coming out’, he took nearly three hours to open up.
Recalling the moment, she said, “After I made him speak up about being gay, his first question was, ‘Ma are you ashamed of me?’ I gave him a hug and asked him why he didn’t tell me this earlier.”
Ms. Desai was one of the parents of Lesbian Gay Bisexual Transgender (LGBT) children, who shared their experience at a discussion around Evening Shadows directed by Shridhar Rangayana, on Friday evening.
“After I supported him, I saw the impact it made in his life. He started feeling more confident about the way he carried himself and I could see his happiness. Parents must realise that their children are afraid of hurting you so they don’t come out easily,” said Ms. Desai, adding, “So if your child has confronted the fear and told you about it, you must love him rather than criticise him for his choices.” Now based in London, Ms. Desai openly welcomed her son’s boyfriend to her family and even went to a gay bar in London to spend time with the couple.
Evening Shadows is based on Mr. Rangayana’s personal experiences, and narrates the emotional journey of a traditional mother from a south Indian village and the way she handles the ‘coming out’ of her gay son. “Slowly, focus is increasing on LGBT rights, but nobody has spoken about what their parents go through. Sons being closest to their mothers, they become answerable. I think if a man takes about 20 years to realise his sexuality, even parents should be given some time until they can finally accept it because it is different from the traditions they followed,” said Mr. Rangayana, a filmmaker, who has been making films on LGBT issues.
Actor Mona Ambegaonkar, who essays the role of the mother, said the ‘coming out’ of LGBT people becomes even more difficult in the context of Indian mindset towards sexuality.
“Denial of sex as a major part of life is the biggest problem. We in India believe and think of sex as a very negative thing and even see criticism oriented towards people who admit of enjoying it. But the truth is that it is a need, ”said Ms. Ambegaonkar, a single mother, who has chosen not to marry.
The writer is an intern at The Hindu
