G ranted, majority of people struggle with body image issues. Mostly women, who are burdened with pressures -- culturally and socially -- to look a certain way. Most of these ideas are fed to them, from the glamour world - films and models.
But, that definitely does leave the men out. They too suffer from body insecurities. Just one look at men in the showbiz today and it does not take long to understand why they too have begun to worry about their physiques and feel they are ‘imperfect’. From nose jobs to cheek fillers and bicep implants to chemical lifts, expectations for men are quickly catching up too.
Nikhil Chopra, a 32-year-old working professional in Mumbai, is fair, has sharp features, average height, sports a beard and could well fall in the category of conventionally good-looking. Nikhil, however, admits that he is not satisfied with his looks. “When I was younger, I used to be thin. That was the problem I had to deal with then,” he recalls. He even remembers how his friends would upset him by calling him ‘skinny’. Nikhil tried many things, like eating a healthy diet, exercise, going to the gym etc. to gain weight. “After I started working, my fitness regimen became irregular because of an erratic work schedule, irregular eating habits, junk food.” What worries Nikhil now is his paunch. Although not that outwardly visible, he says it is something he wants to get rid of and it adversely affects his confidence level.
On the other hand, Manas Gupta, a martial art teacher in Pune, is so preoccupied with his appearance, that it has dominated his life, causing him “significant distress and problems”, not only in his “personal and social but also professional” life. Asit, a college-goer, is worried about the mole on his face. As the hair on the mole grows, his “obsession with the mirror” increases. “I’m not financially ready to get it surgically removed, and feel I don’t look good enough,” he says. These are just a few cases of Body Dysmorphic Disorder and brings to light that men too are victims of it.
“It’s more socially acceptable for women to speak up about their physical insecurities, but men take longer to open up because of fear of being considered vain,” states Mariella Zanoletti, psychotherapist, consultant at H.C.L. Avitas Johns Hopkins Clinic, Gurgaon. This leads to men only knowing how to throw their issues aside and act tough. Vikram, a manager at a private firm in Chennai agrees and adds: “It is normal for women to worry about their looks, but the moment a man says anything about his hair or complexion, he is looked down upon.” Looking at the number of men visiting a psychotherapist does not tell much about the dimension of negative body image issues among the male population. We have to keep in mind that society demands that men emulate an ideal tough-man image; unemotional – that just isn’t compatible with therapy, observes Mariella.
The most common issues that men face are premature balding, greying, height-weight issues, beer belly, thin legs and lack of facial hair. With changing trends change the problems that worry a man. “It is all got to do with how society, in a way, dictates what constitutes a good look,” says Varkha Chulani, clinical psychologist, psychotherapist, Lilavati Hospital, Mumbai. If a man is thin, he is perceived weak, lack of facial hair means he’s not man enough, and if he looks boyish, he feels he will not be taken seriously at workplace. A man starts despising himself if he does not fall into the category of ‘good-looking’. This leads to anger, depression, self-loathing and further spirals into self-defeating himself, she says.
Some patients are so affected by it that they become insecure and possessive in their interpersonal relationships, leading to social issues and conflict. It hampers their communication skills, leading to poor eye contact and sloppy body posture. “A young man came to me for counselling and he was undergoing several other mental illnesses,” says Dimple Shah, psychotherapist, counsellor, Revival Life, Pune. He was also facing a financial crisis because of the money he spent on himself to project a certain image, unaware of his own financial realities.
How do you deal with such issues? The obvious answer is to make a pact with yourself and work on the areas that bother you. If you are worried about a paunch, adopt a fitness regimen. The ‘six-pack abs’ does not just drop into your lap. It’s a result of hard work, dedication and discipline. If you are facing hair loss that affects your confidence, go for a treatment. “While it may seem that a procedure to fix a perceived flaw is a good option, these approaches don’t relieve stress and shame of body dysmorphic disorder,” says Dimple. If you are unhappy with the result, you may simply begin obsessing about another aspect of your appearance. For a long-term effect, we need to alter their inner dialogue, she says. If a person gets obsessed with his image, and is constantly thinking and talking about it, he should seek professional help, advises Mariella. “The key is to understand that your body has nothing to do with the sort of person you are,” she says. How you feel should define how you look and not the other way round. It always helps to analyse your own strengths and weaknesses, and once you are aware of your positives, work towards enhancing those. Varkha agrees and also tries to tell her clients that only if you like yourself, you’ll take care of yourself and your body. Sometime you need to accept what is not changeable. Adarsh, an engineering student in Mumbai, who stands abnormally tall at 6’6”, has taken it in his stride and says, “I’m confident about myself, so my height has never been my weakness.”
Not deriving your self-worth from what others think of you goes a long way in making you feel secure and happy.
