Though it is popularly described as ‘a collection of personal essays where she recounts with self-deprecating humour what it was like growing up in one of the most illustrious families of the country’, Soha Ali Khan says her debut book The Perils of Being Moderately Famous , is not about self-deprecation as much as it is about acceptance.
“It’s about knowing you who are and not taking yourself too seriously. That doesn’t mean you are coming down on yourself. It just means you not taking the concept of being famous seriously (which I don’t),” says Soha, in a chat at Jayamahal Palace Hotel on a recent visit to Bengaluru.
“I think maybe because I have grown up with fame and have seen my parents wear it with ease, it didn’t define me. That has always been my understanding of it: it doesn’t matter if you are famous or not famous, it is about who you are as a person.”
That is also the reason, she says, she has retained a friendly, conversational tone in the book. The title of the book, she adds, actually came to her before the book (which Penguin approached her to write) did. And humour is central to the book.
“Humour is important because everything in life is fun if you are able to laugh. It is nice if you are able to make someone laugh or laugh at yourself, it’s a sign of strength. It’s also important to have the ability laugh at a situation, withstand criticism and know what is real and what isn’t.”
Soha says she stuck to non-fiction because her memory is better than her imagination.
“Readers might be interested to know what it’s like to be me. I am often referred to as Saif Ali Khan’s sister, Kareena Kapoor’s sister-in-law or recently, Taimur’s aunt,” she shares, adding that she thought it might be relatable to talk about facing that kind of identity crisis.
“Exploring whether it is an identity crisis or how one deals with something like this, might be relatable because we all come from families which might have bigger achievers than us. I think that is why I chose the title. The rest of the book fell into place after that.”
At the same time, she explains that the whole process of writing was cathartic for her.
“First, you have to train yourself to sit down and express yourself. A lot of us don’t give ourselves the time to process our feelings on any particular subject. When you are writing a memoir, it forces you to introspect and think about various aspects of your life,” she points out.
“You think about the highlights because you want to share those. You touch upon some of the happy and sad moments, and when you are struggling to find the right words, it helps you come to terms about how you felt during a certain incident, whether it was tragic or a happy one. It is like talking to a psychologist. When you are writing a book you end up talking to yourself and you have to be changed by that journey.”
Being a modern day ‘princess’ is also a theme that the book explores, but not in a way that one would imagine.
“There are a number of princes in India, and the titles were abolished in 1971. My brother was, in fact, born a prince because he was born in 1970. It is now an empty title. Yet, when you live in a country like India with so much history and tradition, you are still referred to by them. Sometimes, I still get letters addressing me as ‘Nawabzadi’, and I get excited even though it means nothing today,” she says.
“I have seen those last vestiges of princely India slowly disappearing. When people think of you as coming from a princely family, they think you must be wealthy. That is not true. Growing up, I was living in a house that had yellow post-it notes written by my father, reminding us to turn off the lights. Our telephone had a lock on it because my father would look at the phone bills. He was conscious about the value of money, I thought we had no money. I have tried to clear up some misconceptions that people have on what it’s like to be a princess.”
The book also explores the impact of being in the spotlight all the time.
“It can get intrusive and annoying because people are always asking questions about Taimur’s birthday plans when you are promoting a film. They are more interested in other things. That is something I constantly struggle with.”
One of the chapters in the book is even called ‘All roads lead to Saifeena’ because whatever media interaction she has, reveals Soha, comes down to what it’s like to have Kareena as a sister-in-law.
“These are things I choose to laugh at because it’s just a fact of life and it doesn’t bother me at all. I understand people are interested in more famous members of your family. Now Taimur is the biggest celebrity in the family. You understand there is a public interest in you and you have chosen to be an actor, which means you can’t get annoyed by the attention.”
The Perils of Being Moderately Famous , published by Penguin Random House, is available at leading bookstores.
