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Dear Sir/Madam ,
Is Virat Kohli the Trump of cricket? Is Trump the Newton of football? Is Modi the Beethoven of Mohiniyattam? Is kuzhipaniyaram the rasmalai of Gobi-65?
Do any of these questions make any sense? No. Then why is my son sitting at home and discussing this nonsense cricketing news with his friends on his phone as if it is the single-most pressing development in the world right now?
Sir/Madam, I came home from a visit to the bank last evening hoping to relax at home with a good book or a documentary DVD from my modest collection. The good thing about my retirement lifestyle is that I finally have time for such pursuits. But as soon as I opened my front door I could hear my son (the one who works from home, I have mentioned him before) screaming at something or someone. Oh no, I thought to myself, Apple has launched a new product.
My son has a great hatred of all Apple products. Whenever Apple launches anything new he will sit and watch the entire presentation, constantly passing comments at the TV or computer screen. Sometimes I will make a cup of coffee, sit down on a chair nearby, and watch him while this criminal waste of time and energy goes on.
“Samsung did it first!”
“Nobody will buy it at that price!”
“Ha ha ha ha! No headphone jack”
As this goes on at full volume I often wonder how did a bank employee and school teacher manage to give birth to such an idiot.
But then when I entered the living room I saw that he was watching some news channel on TV. And some news anchor, who probably grew up inside a fire engine or a police car, was screaming some nonsense or the other about Virat Kohli. My son, of course, had set aside all his work for the day, and was avidly discussing these developments with some equally imbecilic friend on the phone.
“How can they say such things about Kohli, machaan !” my son said. And then the idiot on the other side said something. And then my son responded: “Of course this is psychological warfare! They are preparing for Dharamsala.” Then a few moments of silence while idiot responded. And then my son: “Yeah but you can’t say that about Kohli…”
This went on for about 20 minutes while I checked online for any cheap DNA testing services in the Anna Nagar area.
Finally, my son put down the phone and switched off the TV. “What happened?” I asked my son ironically.
“ Appa , some Australian journalists are saying that Virat Kohli is the Donald Trump of cricket! I mean can you believe that?”
“So what?” I said, “Why are you wasting time on such issues. Just enjoy the cricket and avoid all these nonsense things that are manufactured to engage idiots.”
My son got very upset and said something about India being a free country and people should be free to care about whatever they want to. He then stormed out of the room. Then I loudly told my wife in the kitchen that I am thinking of buying one or even two iPads because I think they are excellent devices. Just to irritate him.
Sir/Madam, why do you publish so much nonsense sports news. Ok. I understand that many people enjoy cricket. I also understand that some people are cricket fanatics. There are some people who are like this about other sports such as football or badminton.
But does that mean we should dedicate time on our news channels and space in our esteemed newspaper to utterly pointless coverage of scandals that have nothing to do with the sport itself. Virat Kohli is the Trump of cricket? I am struggling to understand what that means. So I spent some time thinking about it. And I think it makes sense only if you consider that both men lead organisations that could ultimately lead to the destruction of society, culture and economy in India.
Sir/madam, sports journalism, in my humble opinion, should start when a match starts and end 15 or 20 minutes after the match ends. When the players go home, so should the sports journalists.
Sir/madam, I would be obliged if you would take this recommendation seriously. In closing, I am wondering if there is any chance you could do an in-depth investigation into whether it is possible for children to be assigned to wrong parents in maternity hospitals in the Madras area.
Yours in exasperation ,
J. Mathrubootham
