Before Oxford Dictionary beats me to it, here are the year’s newest words and phrases. If you don’t use them, you’re so Jurassic! Of course, this may be entirely fake news, like everything else you get.
I-got-mooned: Only losers waited for hours to see the gigantic supermoon in a glittering 180 degree sky. Dudes got the moon delivered — as a tiny pixelated white dot on a smartphone. Followed by 99 comments of “ossm”!
Ossm: Strictly to be used by the under-25 spelling-challenged, please. From others, it sounds like those osteoarthritis chairs that squeeze your calves.
Luzhnicked: You gotta prove you spent a month in Russia at the World Cup, even if you can’t tell a soccah ball from a supermoon. You had to be seen swearing at AVRs and discussing the Ssons like you’d changed their diapers. No FIFA so nt kewl, bro!
Mahji: Amreekanese dictates that you must end words in an ah (the burp after a full non-veg tiffin). As in “Mah man”, or “Sistah”. “Mah Ammah, give mah more upmah!” She’ll give you a lot more, but that’s the price of becoming Amreekan.
Brexitaya : Will Brexit happen or not? Mallya’s.
#HeToo? We saw our idols tumble. Every day, another few. Roving eyes, roving hands, roving pelvises. Women rendered the men in power, powerless.
#MeNever: In its wake came another reaction. Every male who swore he hadn’t let a single body part out, suddenly sprouted a new appendage — a halo. Who me? Me never! Wives’ names were mentioned thrice in every sentence. Marital vows were strung up like Diwali lights.
Love-sucker: Nobody reads a post which starts with ‘You will love this…’
Statufied: The ₹3,000 cr statue divided the country’s netizens into Haves (Have-they-gone-nuts?) and Have-nots (Have-not-you-any-national-pride?). Those who weren’t statufied into either category, officially did not exist.
Magwhosaysay: Sonam Wangchuk won the Magsaysay award. Not an eyebrow stirred until Aamir Khan’s picture floated up in clips. Aha! Him! So well deserved! Three million idiots suddenly began to applaud.
Bloused-over: If you didn’t get pics of a pointy, painful-looking gold choli, you’re just not in the ‘in’ set. The ₹2 crore (fake) blouse got 20 crore views.
Fake-a-side: Nine out of 10 things you read on social media are fake. (What, this too?) Yet, blood is shed, families are cursed, chaddi buddies clobber each other. The puppet-masters smile on, while we puppets grow purple defending our sides in the fake war, and swear never to speak to each other for our next seven lives.
Where Jane De Suza, the author of Happily Never After , talks about the week’s quirks, quacks and hacks.
