You’ve seen how sensational I am as a Photographer. No? You haven’t seen my Instagram stories... why not? Go follow me now. I cannot swallow a single bite without first photographing it. Saw my fried egg from this morning, dripping yolk and oil? Some fool has messaged me a pic of his half-eaten upma .
Make sure you sign up for my Chef updates too. So you can rise and shine to my recipes in your inbox. Share the link of today’s fried egg recipe. Share, share, don’t be shy.
Of course, you know I am a Documentary Maker too. Every bit of my day is captured on selfie mode. Subscribe to my online Beauty Expert column too — you can see me flossing my teeth, after the fried egg, while doing squats. That same fool is asking what to do after upma . I sent him the link to my Yoga column.
Go on. Follow me. You aren’t following me yet? Why not? I can see who is unfollowing me too — don’t think I don’t know. See this vid of me in the mall, trying out sandals. Turn your speakers up for my audio commentary. “Hello salesman, size 39 please, and in bronze. Don’t have it? What kind of a store is this? Don’t you know I am a Reviewer on three different forums? The nation will hear about this.”
I tell my author friend how I could easily be a best-selling Author if I had time. Instead I am a Critic. Click here for my blog where I rip apart plotlines of books and movies — you won’t feel like reading any book, after my scathing criticism. Make sure you ‘like’ it. (My blog, not the book).
And my YouTube Journalist stream? Brilliant, no? Not like those studio journos with feku backdrops. Real-time updates from the street. “The rising crime in our cities at night: Look, a corpse! OMG! Police! No, that’s someone’s shirt in the ditch. Sorry Constable. Now that you’re here, can you give me a lift to the mall in your police van? No? I will post about police callousness. I am an Activist if you must know.”
As a Political Commentator, I’m waiting for these News Channels to call me to their show. Why who won what where — I have been letting flow, cutting-edge post-mortems, slashing opposing viewpoints, making jokes about certain leaders.
Ok, got to go now to the bathroom. I will post afterwards, on my Medical Expert page, about how to cure diarrhoea. Not verbal! — why would you say that?
Where Jane De Suza, the author of Happily Never After , talks about the week’s quirks, quacks and hacks
