A friend, who I am sure is well-meaning, met me at a gathering after several months.
On seeing me he said, with concern I sensed, that I looked tired. My instant reaction was to tell him that he was foisting on me his perception which was not only incorrect and inappropriate but also raised in me irritation. I asked him what he intended to say. He responded saying that he had heard I was unwell and hence was sharing his concern for me.
Reflecting on what he said, I realised that I also tend to project on to people my assumption of how they are, instead of merely asking how the person is and leaving it to the individual to respond.
Communicating care can be misconstrued as passing judgement if not done with sensitivity and mindfulness. In a similar occurrence I once, unaware that the person I was speaking to had just undergone a heart bypass surgery, told the gentleman he looked tired. His reaction was harsh as he felt unempathised with. A quote I read says ‘Use soft words when you talk to another for you may very soon have to chew and swallow them.’
The writer is an organisational and behavioural consultant. He can be contacted at ttsrinath@gmail.com
