Three years ago when Priya and Rakesh chose to start a family, they decided it has to be by adoption. That their biological ability will be questioned did not matter to the couple. “We took everything into consideration and were ready to face the world because we believed in something for us as a family,” says DVL Padma Priya. The duo adopted a three-month old baby Prakriti. Now their daughter being three years old, the duo released a ‘Dear Pari Podcast’ last week.
Priya is a freelance writer and AB Rakesh Kamal is a programme manager with Climate Reality. What compelled them to begin their podcast was the constant badgering from people who mattered the least. After a point of time Priya says the hints and suggestions on how to start a family came from the most unlikely people.
Dear Pari is a dialogue to break certain thoughts that make people uncomfortable with the term ‘adoption,’ the stigma attached to it and and the complexities involved. According to the couple ‘love and care matters.’ Cliche? “Yes, it is. But she is our daughter and that is what matters now. We also adopted positive adoption language which is our step to drive away the stigma attached to the choice of being parents by way of adoption,” says Rakesh.
As one listens to Priya and Rakesh’s expression in a simple non-emotional tone, one cannot help but sense the excitement and happiness of a couple to bring their daughter home. Dear Pari isn’t a tribute to themselves for having adopted Prakriti, nor is it one of those ‘letters to our child’ sort of listening material. “Because that isn’t our intention at all. I cringe when people say ‘you have done a noble act’ or ‘this is some level of charity’ says Priya .
To begin with, the podcast does touch upon the adoption process and the initial steps one needs to go through. The couple have kept the dialogues very professional and cleared the air on the thoughts that usually crop up when one hears about adoption. The podcast is however not a guide book to the entire adoption process or on new parenting tips,” adds Priya.
“Prakriti’s homecoming coincided with my father’s 60th birthday celebration. We hadn’t planned it that way, but it all fell in place. We thought there was no better way to introduce our daughter to our family than this special occasion. Once we were matched with Prakriti, things happened so fast that we took a lot of help from friends about baby clothing and other needs. I can never forget that preparation. Such a joyous one,” says Priya.
Priya as a mother has more positive notes when she says, “It has not been a bad journey at all. We have had lot of support from friends and family but we are also aware that not everyone gets the same kind of support and understanding. And we only want it to get better. I strongly feel, more should be done in terms of putting things in place for root search..as of now, according to the adoption guidelines, children (if child is under 18) and parents (adoptive) or a child upon becoming 18 can apply with Central Adoption Regulatory Authority (CARA) to start a ‘root search’ which means that CARA and the adoption agencies need to have all the information. But we were told —on record and off record — that they never get enough info or are often told that there is no info available on their bio parents. This is not an easy conversation for most parents but I think people who get into adoption need to acknowledge bio parents and also present them to their children, on disclosure, not as people who rejected them but as people who loved them enough to place them for adoption — it’s called adoption triad.”
In the coming episodes, the couple will discuss the role of TV and media and how they have contributed to make adoption a stigma. Then they will deal with issues of identity, disclosure, special need children, NRI adoption and more. “We will also start a blog. Also, if anyone would like to contribute on the issue they can write to us at hello@sunoindia.in
There will also be a segment on Sherin Mathews— this child adopted from Bihar, by NRI parents and killed in USA. “By the end of the series, we hope to leave people thinking and with insights from everyone involved in adoption — parents, children and government.” says Rakesh. The podcast will also have interviews with adoptees with stark stories and an indepth inteview with the director of CARA.
Dear Pari is available on www.sunoindia.in and on podcasting apps.
