The Creaking Tree Health

How to correct your sleep cycle

This handy guide identifies things that interfere with our sleep cycle and provide advice on how to tackle them

Circadian rhythms are cycles that our bodies follow automatically over 24-hour periods, like the desire for a gin and tonic when the sun goes down.

They develop inside us, but can be influenced by external factors. Our sleep cycle is the most important of these rhythms. This handy guide identifies things that interfere with our sleep cycle, and provides advice on how to tackle them. Some of this advice is of limited value.

Anxiety about the economy: It could be that you lie awake at night thinking, ‘Is the economy going to get worse?’ Let us put your minds at rest. It almost certainly will. Once you accept this, there will be no need for further worry.

AC not working: Your AC may not be working, leading to sleepless nights. You have been trying to get a service engineer to come for the last three weeks, but despite occasional flashes of hope, so far you have been unsuccessful. The solution is to buy a new AC. Before buying, shortlist three companies, and make fake requests for service to each. See which one comes soonest. This is the one you should purchase.

Lack of romance: Could it be that your standards are too high? Some people who have been failing consistently are thinking of shifting to Kashmir, but we would not recommend this.

Tweets by Chetan Bhagat: You may be lying awake thinking about his tweets. Just thinking is not going to solve anything. Action is called for. Programme your Twitter feed so that it sends him a tweet every day saying; ‘Read a book, Chetan!’ every morning at 4 am. Eventually, success will be yours.

Annual Performance Review: There is no point worrying about this now. It’s too late. In future, get your boss coffee more often, and buy small, thoughtful gifts from time to time. Show that you care.

Decline of the Left wing: The space for the Left is constricting. While this is a matter for concern, please remember that if it keeps expanding, the culmination of the process is Xi Jinping, lifetime ruler of China. Things may look bad now, but they could have been much worse. Once you realise this, sleep will come automatically.

Late night singing: Once their sins accumulate beyond a point, your neighbours will often build a pandal in the middle of your lane and sing to the gods for mercy. At around 2 am, you will also feel the need for mercy. Since their pandal is blocking the road, there is no way for you to escape. The best solution is to powder your face, put on a kurta , and join them. Remember, you yourself are not entirely devoid of sin.

Too many aloo parathas: Indigestion can often affect sleep cycles. The fact that you are reading the health section of The Hindu means that there is still hope for you. Your intentions are good. If all else fails, go easy on the pickle.

Netflix: There is no known cure for this.

Shovon Chowdhury’s most recent novel, Murder With Bengali Characteristics, permanently damaged his sleep cycle

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Printable version | May 20, 2020 6:23:21 AM |

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