letter from a concerned reader Opinion

Primetime nonsense

Respected Madam/ Sir,

Monday morning at 7 o’clock itself phone started ringing like anything. Mrs. Mathrubootham immediately woke me up and said, old man, please pick up phone immediately otherwise I will put it inside cooking range ok?

Marriage means like this. Morning itself love love and nonstop love.

Ten minutes still no sign of phone. Ringing means nonstop ringing. Then finally I found phone inside sofa cushion gap. By that time phone is stopped ringing and now Mrs. M phone is ringing. I am running to the bedroom. But already she is awake and she is speaking. She is looking at me like Donald Trump looking at encyclopaedia.

Hello Mr. Prathapan. Yes. What is the emergency? Oh I will give phone to Mr. Mathrubootham.

Madam/ Sir, whether you are remembering Mr. Prathapan? He is retired from government job and all but these days living like Ambani. Any suspicious activities are happening? Please investigate but don’t tell Mr. Mathrubootham said. He is bringing large Toblerone after every foreign trip.

I said, hello Prathapan. What is emergency? Whether any ambulance is needed? He said, Mathrubootham stop wasting time like mandashiromani. Urgently come to my house. I said, oh my god I am coming immediately.

When I reached his house what is the scene? Heart attack? Fire? Earthquake? Flood? No no no. Prathapan is simply standing in front of flat screen TV when I am entering. He looked at me and said Mathrubootham! Help me Mathrubootham! All news channels are gone. Nothing is working.

I used some two-three choice Tamil words such as rascal, somberi, madaya etc. Then said bloody fool for this purpose you have ejected me from my household at 8 a.m.?

Madam/ Sir, tears are in his eyes when he is talking. Mathrubootham, he is telling, morning 6:00 onwards I am watching news. Breakfast, lunch, dinner, all in front of news. In toilet I am watching news on phone. Only in shower news is not available but I am thinking maybe I will purchase waterproof TV. But this morning tragedy. Not a single news channel is working. All nonsense channels only like Discovery and National Geographic. When whole country is fighting war with China and drugs who is wanting to see elephant and hippopotamus and all?

Mathrubootham please, you are TV DVD VCD expert. You please investigate.

Madam/ Sir, checking means IT raid type checking I did. Whether any solution is there? Nothing. All news channels are vanished. I am checking and checking. Then after two hours Mrs. Prathapan came and made some secret sounds like sshh psshh Mathrubootham sir. I secretly went to kitchen.

There she is saying sir, news channels I only blocked. Whole morning to night this man is sitting and getting heart attack and hypertension. And what he is watching? Nonsense 100% nonsense. Whether any normal person with normal brain will watch these news channels. So I secretly blocked all the channels. You please don't tell anybody ok? Otherwise I will run away and come stay in your house.

I said ok god-promise. Then I went and told Prathapan to relax and take 2-3 days news holiday and maybe it will automatically become ok. Madam/ Sir, then I went home and told funny story to Mrs. Mathrubootham.

At 10 p.m. phone is ringing. It is Prathapan. He is saying Mathrubootham eureka! Problem solved. My wife is blocking all news channels. I have unblocked them! I said congratulations please enjoy. Then he is asking, Mathrubootham why she is blocking news? Some secret? Whether she is Chinese spy? Anti-national tendencies? Some Pakistan connection? Should I check her phone for Chinese apps?

Madam/ Sir, this is the state of the country.

Yours in exasperation,

J. Mathrubootham

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Printable version | Sep 21, 2020 6:23:30 PM | https://www.thehindu.com/opinion/primetime-nonsense/article32579141.ece

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