Twenty one years after Lara Dutta was crowned Miss Universe, 21-year-old Harnaaz Sandhu has brought the crown back to its rightful place in the year 2021. You think those numbers are a coincidence? This is a preordained event that occurred because of the delicate conjunction of planets. For a reason. As someone who trained rigorously for 45 minutes under the renowned astronumeropalmist Guru Kilijosyananda in the rugged forests of Parangi Malai, and as someone who has repeatedly predicted past events with unerring accuracy, let me show you the significance of these numbers.
That’s three 21s in a row. 21 + 21 + 21 = 63. Now divide that 63 by 3. What do you get? 21 again! While that is amazing in itself, there is more. If you divide that 21 by 3, you get 7. How many views do you think Ms Sandhu’s crowning moment garnered on the pageant’s official Twitter page? 7 lakh views, that’s how many. Hold on, there’s more. Now if you take that 7 and multiply it by 10, you get 70. And she is the 70th Miss Universe. Ha. Do you see what I am saying now? No? Okay, divide that 70 by 10 and you get 7, which is a prime number, which proves once and for all the primacy of our nation among not just all the countries of the world but the entire universe itself.
Plus, it happened on the 12th day of the 12th month (though it may have been the 13th for us). And what is that? Thalaivar Rajini’s birthday, dammit!
The divine significance of this date aside, Ms Sandhu’s historic win came now to serve as a slap in the face of all those whining about our position on the hunger, pollution, press freedom, happiness, health and employment indices, or how badly we lost in the World Cup. The Crown is ours, for god’s sake. Our beti has brought it back to us. It is only a matter of time before the British realise their mistake, call the Lalitha Jewellery man and request his assistance to prise out the Kohinoor from their crown jewels and courier it to us.
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So deeply moved by young Ms Sandhu’s glorious victory were the UP Police that they tweeted ‘Congratulations #HarnaazSandhu for bringing back the “beautiful moment” for India after 21 years. Proud of you!’ See that clever pun on beauty there? The ‘beautiful moment’ is within quotes. Kudos. Imagine how secure the lovely Ms Sandhu would be feeling knowing the UP Police is proud of her.
The irrepressible Sunny Paaji, too, praised Ms Sandhu’s achievement on Twitter. ‘Women raising the bar in all fields,’ he tweeted. ‘We couldn’t be more proud of her.’ Coming from a man who has raised hand-pumps with alacrity, that is a compliment indeed.
Not to be left behind, Upasna Singh of The Kapil Sharma Show took the opportunity to share her connection with Ms Sandhu. ‘She was living with me before leaving for Israel,’ said Ms Singh. ‘She once cooked rajma chawal for me.’ I request Upasna -ji to share the recipe with us, so all Indians from all corners of the world can cook and eat the dish on the 12th of next month, call it Universal Rajma Day, and be filled with pride, like we are every other day, about something we can take zero credit for.
The next day, as is our duty, we will go back to trolling all unsansakari women who need to be taught a lesson.
Krishna Shastri Devulapalli is a satirist. He has written four books and edited an anthology.
