Once in a while, I write what my readers ask me to write. And by readers, I mean my istriwallah , Marimuthu. ‘ Saar ,’ he said the other day, while handing me my flat-front trousers ironed with a front crease. ‘The second wave is upon us like the rash I get whenever I wear your neighbour Sundarapandi’s lungi . We need another dose of His Divine Wiseness Dr Funky Astral Kumar’s quotes to see us through this phase. Do a piece on him.’
So here I am doing as the man who wears my pants when I’m not looking says.
Strength
That which does not kill us increases our Mediclaim premium.
Greatness
If you cannot do great things, do small things in a great way. Even better is to do nothing in a spectacular way.
Life
Life is just a series of filter-free selfie moments taken with a bad camera and strung together.
Choices
Not all people are bad. Sometimes good people make bad choices. Like ordering Hakka Noodles at an Udipi restaurant.
Satisfaction
If you look at what you have in life, you’ll always have more. If you look at what you don’t have, you’ll never have enough. If you look at what the other guy has, you will find a way to divert it to your account.
Anger
For every minute you are angry, you lose sixty seconds of happiness. To understand how much that works out to in a year, you will need a calculator.
Age
Anyone who stops learning, no matter what the age, is old. Anyone who keeps learning remains young. Anyone who uses Botox will look like Jeetendra.
Wisdom
The only true wisdom is knowing you know nothing. And blaming the other guy before he blames you.
Beauty
The most beautiful things in the world cannot be touched or felt. Unless you want a lawsuit.
The Mind
The mind is like a parachute. It doesn’t work unless it is open. Once, a man jumped off a plane, opened his parachute and still died. Because it was his backpack.
Honesty
Honesty is the first chapter in the Book of Wisdom . Skip it. Just read the last one. It’s called ‘Nehru did it’.
Stagnation
The worst curse in the world is to stagnate, to stay in the same place. One should always be one step ahead of the law.
Imitation
Why be a cheap imitation of someone else when you can be a cheap original of yourself.
Problems
Don’t look at everything in life like they are problems. Look at them like they are the opposite of solutions.
Energy
If you raise your inner energies to the highest pitch, you will scare the neighbourhood dogs.
Marriage
In marriage, there are divergent expectations. The wife expects the husband to change. The husband wishes to remain in his Tantex underwear and watch Netflix.
Children
Your children are not your children. They are students of an American university that you cannot afford.
Meditation
Meditation is a way to experience the within. So is an endoscopy.
Goals
Never put off till tomorrow what can be passed on to a sucker this instant.
Faith
Faith is knowing that the mirror in the shop makes you look thinner and still buying the slim-fit trousers.
Krishna Shastri Devulapalli is a satirist. He has written four books and edited an anthology.
