Respected Sir/Madam,
I have good news and bad news.
Good news is that Mrs. Mathrubootham has gone to visit some family members in Palakkad. She is gone for 3 days and 4 nights. This means whole day I can sit at home wearing house clothes, reading any novel, non-stop eat banana chips. But best thing is that if I don’t want to go for Seniors Intermediate Yoga, then one Mussolini in sari will not spend whole day doing emotional blackmailing.
“Old man you want to live till 75 years or no?”
“Old man one day your heart will stop working then don’t come running to me.”
“Old man if something happens to you then later don’t feel bad if I marry somebody from your Yoga class who is attending every day without fail.”
Immediately, I will get up and give point-by-point rebuttal like Mammootty in superhit Malayalam film Sethurama Iyer CBI .
First of all, Mrs. Kamalam Mathrubootham have you heard of retired Steel Authority of India General Manager Mr. F. S. D’Costa on 11th floor who is currently 83 years old? Only yoga he is doing for 15 years is extending hand towards plate, lifting chicken fry from plate, putting chicken fry in mouth, take one deep breath, extend hand towards plate again. Repeat 10-12 times. Second of all Mrs. Mathrubootham, if my heart stops working and I am still running towards you then please call nearest temple because of pei utaimai . And finally Mrs. Kamalam Mathrubootham, exactly one person is coming to Yoga class with punctuality every day without fail and that is Yoga teacher who is 36-year-old lady from Mylapore, best of luck arranging marriage with her.
And then I will send these devastating points in WhatsApp message to her when she has gone to supermarket or ladies association meeting.
That is good news. Bad news is that I have to spend three or four days in the company of my second son.
I think I have told you this before. I have two sons. One fellow is in U.S. Doing respectable job. Other fellow is in Chennai and working from home. What is he doing? Nobody knows. Mrs. Mathrubootham is always insisting, why don’t you suddenly go into his bedroom without warning and see what is going on. Maybe he is doing some criminal activity? I told her Kamalam, I went to hostel during college days, you must never enter room without warning under any circumstances.
Just two hours ago my son suddenly came into the living room and said Appa I am cooking lunch for both of us. I sat quietly, because I thought as usual he is repeating some comedy joke video.
Sir/ Madam, unfortunately he was being serious. He said I have excellent recipe from the internet for tomato and cheese quiche. You just relax I will make everything. I said ok why not.
Two minutes later he came and asked Appa, do we have an oven, this recipe needs an oven.
Sir/ Madam, I told Mrs. Mathrubootham 150 times one son is enough, one son is enough, one son is enough. She said no, what if he gets bored. I said if he gets bored I will buy cricket bat or carrom board. But whether she will listen? Never.
I took out toaster oven and gave. Two minutes later he came back and said appa can you please hold the iPad so I can read recipe. I said kanna take a printout or write it down no? He said appa please stop living in 1987. So I stood in the kitchen for 20 minutes holding the iPad in front of his face. In between what and all drama happened. Finally, he put it in the oven.
After one hour he came and said appa, disaster disaster! Quiche has fully burnt and become cuddappah kal. What to do?
It is ok, I said, I will change into outside clothes and go and buy some food and come. On the way I will stop at Marina Beach and scatter ashes of quiche into sea. Poor dish has suffered so much in its life.
Yours in hunger and exasperation,
J. Mathrubootham.
