Respected Madam/Sir,
Good morning. Shall I tell you one story that will provoke the thoughts in your mind? It is a true story and happened to myself just two–three days back. As you are already knowing, Mr. Mathrubootham is fully supporting all new technologies. If you come to my residence you will find many new items. Alexa? She is there. Internet TV? It is there. Tablet computer? Thousand times there! Light bulb which you can on-off and change colour from mobile? Ha ha ha! I have from jambuvan times!
You are thinking, ‘Oh my god you tricky fellow, speaking like retired bank employee but living posh like Tata-Birla and that family owning Bombay Dyeing I have forgotten’. Madam/sir, latest technology is not Rolls Royce car or Cross pen. Retired people can also buy some items.
What is Bombay Dyeing family? Now I will not be able to do anything except think about this.
What I was saying? Technology! Around 11 a.m. on Tuesday, Mrs. M said, “Please go and buy some jam-type item. I suddenly feel like having bread and jam sandwich.” I said, “Kamalam, I just put DVD of Kane and Abel TV serial based on superhit novel by Jeffrey Archer. You want jam now itself or it can wait two–three hours? Mind is full of Kane and Abel, Kamalam.”
She said, “OK, fine, please get before 4 o’clock tea time.” I said god-promise on Tirupati Balaji.
Is it Nadia family? Kadia? Bordia? Name is on tip of tongue but not coming out.
Anyway, what happened when I put DVD into player? One khee-khee-khee sound came like Mrs. M putting teaspoon by mistake in mixie. Then DVD player broke down. Kamalam immediately said, “See, see what happens when you ignore jam requirements of wife.”
I decided better to get jam before wife and Tirupati Balaji doing more damages. On return journey, I suddenly saw one new coffee shop. I thought, oho, I must try it out. I went and had one cappuccino and sandwich. When bill came I had one electric shock. Money is not there in purse. I went to manager and said, “Thambi, purse is empty.”
He said, “Uncle, what you are talking like 1985. Do one PayTM. Whether you are having on phone?” I said, “Of course, all latest innovations are there.” Madam/sir, I took phone and karumam of karumams, battery is zero. No money, no battery. Manager now looking at me like he is sandalwood tree and I am Veerappan. I am thinking what to do. Then Eureka! I had one idea to put phone call to wife and she will bring money.
I picked up hotel phone and started dialling. Then nothing. Madam/sir, I am not remembering more than first two digits of her phone number. Absolutely zero memory. Tragedy-o-tragedy.
At that moment, Dr. Shankaramenon is walking past hotel. I shouted, “Dr. Shankaramenon, please come urgently, my dignity is going in drainage.” He came and paid the bill and then I went home feeling ashamed like anything. When I reached home, house is locked and I have no keys. After 10 minutes waiting, I went to Dr. Shankaramenon’s house. Two-three hours later Mrs. M came back from ladies association meeting. I said, “Woman, whether you have any responsibility, husband is waiting outside?” She said, “Old man, calm down, I sent message to your phone, didn’t you see?”
I said, “Kamalam, take jam, I’m going to sit in bedroom alone for some time. Bring one sandwich.”
Maybe it is Borgia? No, that is Italian arsenic family.
Yours in exasperation,
J. Mathrubootham
