Respected Madam/Sir,
Don’t talk to me. Don’t even look in this direction. Upset means I am upset like anything.
Tell me madam/ sir, in this country any reward is there for good, humble people? Or only for fraud and chicanery? Decency means anything? Or tomorrow onwards I should also behave like criminal?
Unbearable country.
Madam/ sir, three days back I suddenly got one phone call. I immediately recognised it is Mrs. Guruprasad, who is steering committee member of Residents Association.
Many years ago, in Mrs. Mathrubootham’s native place in Nagercoil, very boring place please avoid, nothing is there, her family decided to put one borewell behind the kitchen. They said Mathrubootham, you are oldest mappilai , you also please come to put supervision during drilling.
In my mind I was thinking, rascals, when I have some work, not one rascal will offer help. But when your family is drilling, I should put privilege leave and come and see, is it? But quietly I went. Marriage means justice gone forever. Drilling company fellows are drilling and drilling and then in between one fellow said, uncle can I have one glass of water. I said of course no problem but if you call uncle again, I will put Ranipal in water.
Then tragedy. He dropped steel tumbler right inside the borewell hole and it went inside the drill. Madam/ sir, till the day of my death in 2050, I will never forget the horrible sound. Khaa kheee kheee khooo kheeee. Oh my god, I said, whether borewell giving birth to another borewell?
Mrs. Guruprasad’s voice is ditto like that sound. So only immediately I recognised.
She said hello can I speak to Mathrubootham Uncle. I said sorry wrong number, there is no uncle in this house. She called again. Hello uncle? Again I cut. After 11 times, she said hello Mr. Mathrubootham? I said oh my god Mrs. Guruprasad, what a pleasant surprise.
She said uncle will you please attend tomorrow night Resident’s Association Annual Awards Ceremony? My heart immediately went up and down like Sridevi in superhit Nagina . Oh my god, what a pleasant surprise. I am very happy. She said uncle please show some self-control, everything secret. We can only announce it on the stage.
Very agitated
Next night, I put first-class dress and took full family and went for function. All nonsense award and all they gave. Then in the end, Mrs. Guruprasad said, ladies and gentlemen it is time for our most prestigious award. The lifetime achievement award for best member of Housing Colony. This year’s winner is Dr. Shankaramenon and I invite esteemed Mr. J. Mathrubootham himself to present the award — one Mahatma Gandhi statue.
YOU GIVE ESTEEM TO YOUR FATHER! BLOODY NONSENSE THIS IS BRAND NEW VAN HEUSEN I KEPT IN PACKET SINCE 2014. ESTEEM IT SEEMS. OK I WILL PUT ONE EMPTY FLOWER VASE ON SHOWCASE AND I WILL SAY OH IT IS FULL OF ESTEEM I GOT IN 2019.
Madam/ sir, I was very agitated. So Mrs. Mathrubootham brought me home before I took Gandhi statue and gave one esteem across Dr. Shankaramenon’s face.
Mrs. Mathrubootham said relax, Dr. Mathrubootham, relax. It is ok. Next year you will get award. I am sure. I said, fine Kamalam, please make me one tea, I will read newspaper to reduce tension.
Madam/ sir, in newspaper there was list of latest Bharat Ratna winners and all. I thought fine, Residents Association is criminal underworld organisation. But at least Government of India is better?
I saw Padma Shri list. I went through. Ok fine. Ok fine. Then I saw name of Sivamani, buffoon who stands near cricket ground and makes sound like train accident.
Immediately I took the newspaper and threw it from the balcony.
Yours in exasperation,
J. Mathrubootham
