Men and women may speak the same language, but there is always a sub-text or some hidden signals that may escape the guys. Not to forget the body language and other cues. And, because of this, women, at times, end up being a little too tactful for men. Says marine engineer T.K. Ramachandran: “We find it difficult to read the hidden signals in a woman’s communication,” and jokes “that’s because we are dumb”.
Antenna up!
He continues: “We are slower in picking up hidden signals — body language, for instance. We don’t really go looking for them, and unless the signals are loud and clear, we may miss it altogether. Women, in contrast, are good at such things because they keep their antenna up most of the time. Their perception is also multi-dimensional.”
S. Harish a young entrepreneur, says: “Given men’s inability to interpret non-verbal cues the way women can, what is communicated is sometimes lost.”
In a ‘couple situation’, the man is always in a dilemma trying to figure out when he should provide reassurance (it could be perceived as trying too hard to impress) and when he should just lend quiet support. But, some men have all the luck — women who don’t mince their words and say what they have to say directly. Take, for instance, Anil Menon, a consultant: “My wife doesn’t beat around the bush. If she doesn’t like me drinking, she tells me on my face, or tells my mother to ask me to stop drinking.” But, there are a few problem areas such as shopping. “My wife complains that I sometimes overdo things. For instance, if we were looking at buying a car, and a basic model is what she would have wanted, I would have ended up buying a fully- or semi-loaded one,” he says.
Conceding that the nuances are always a challenge for men, Vijay Rangachari, an executive, says that things are changing — women are clearer about what they want, and the men are more aware.
Figuring out what women want men to say is still a daunting task. As Vijay puts it: “Take a thing such as compliments on looks. A guy assumes that these things go without saying. And, when he does say something, it backfires. If I told my fiancée that I liked her innocence, she would turn around and say, ‘Oh! So you don’t think I am shrewd’, and if I were to say she were shrewd, she would shoot back to ask if I didn’t think she was innocent. At that point, I am usually left wondering if I should have said both or just kept quiet.”
Analysing the issue, P.S. Ramdas, who is in the hospitality industry, says: “When trying to be diplomatic or getting a little sarcastic, women end up not saying what they mean. That confuses the other person. But, if they know you can take criticism in your stride, they will come to the point.”
But then, that difference is half the fun, says Sathya, an event manager. “If both men and women start thinking the same way, things would be too perfect in this world.”
