Gay and happy

Celebrities applaud the Pope’s forward views on homosexuality. Here are the headlines.

Updated - November 17, 2021 12:24 pm IST

Published - August 03, 2013 07:35 pm IST

Illustration: Satwik Gade

Illustration: Satwik Gade

Gay men and women went ‘Yay!’ as Pope Francis, during the course of a single conversation, said homosexual orientation wasn’t a sin, that gay people should not be marginalised, that they should be integrated into society.

Christian or not, alive or not, real or not; the following illustrious public figures and achievers who also happen to be gay, celebrated the Pontiff’s inclusive views and, well, commented. -

Oscar Wilde lauds Pope’s important earnestness

“Better late and all that,” said a droll Oscar, who had a run in or two with the church back in the day. All the same, he was quite pleased with the Pontiff’s words, which he termed ‘important and earnest’ for gay people the world over. When asked if he read the interview, Oscar scoffed and said, “I watched the video. (He is an) articulate young man.” He parried questions about his strained relations with the church. He did admit, tongue in cheek, to having one thing in common with the institution - an inimitable focus on temptation.

Wizardly move: Albus Dumbledore

The headmaster of Hogwarts School of Witchcraft and Wizardry apparated into select newsrooms across the world in response to requests for his statement on the Pope’s views on homosexuality. “I commend the Pontiff’s stand, which I am sure will save many young men and women from spirals of guilt.” The wizard added, “It would take more than the flick of the wand, however, to wish away discrimination from the world they walk in.” With that, he tipped his hat, touched an old boot, and disappeared inside it.

‘They finally cracked the code’

Alan Turing, father of computing, leaned out of an LED screen in MI6, the British Intelligence fortress. Turing had a second coming to sort out some computational messes in London, consequent to M’s tragic demise in last James Bond caper, Skyfall. “I invented algorithm, computation, figured out German ciphers and it still wasn’t enough,” said a peeved Alan. “Life is a variable. What’s the point of so many constraining constants?” he said. Crunching on some numbers and dipping into a data stream, he admitted that former British PM Gordon Brown’s apology was mollifying.

This is great, says Alexander

“First of all, I look nothing like Colin Farrel,” said Alexander the Great as he walked out of a nail salon. “But kudos to the Pope. Kudos is a Greek word, did you know?” he added. The Macedonian’s varied sexual orientation gave him little trouble during his own time, but he wasn’t happy with the ‘long-term reportage’, “or history, if you prefer.” Ever a warrior still, he says there’s still a lot to fight for. “War is just plain silly in this age of nukes. You can fight other things now, like Section 377,” he quipped. He then got on to his hobby horse of fashion and promoted his new range of haute couture with a weaponised twist — Gucci sunglasses with a 15th century garrotte embedded in the rim.

Freddy Mercury promises Vatican concert

The mercurial lead singer of British rock band Queen told the media that he would love to organise a private concert at the Vatican if Pope Francis wished it. “He is a champion for saying what he did,” said Freddy. “That’s right, we will rock you, brothers, and give you a wardrobe makeover as well. Something with a little more bling, something operatic, darlings.” The star vocalist refused to allow live telecast, since he was “technically dead, my dear, haven’t you noticed?” He spoke for his bandmates, he claimed. “We’re all big fans now. We’ve found somebody to love,” he said. Running late for a posthumous concert, he looked back at the waiting press and said, “Don’t stop me now!”

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