Did you know that vampires were sightless? The church believed that since the eyes were the window to the soul, the eyeless vampires were soulless. But then one of the church's warrior priests went rogue and looked into the soul of a vampire and found it to be purer than any human alive. Oh well, what the hell!
None of that really matters in this frenetic, frantic action film. Close on the heels of the bald and the beautiful Fast Five, comes another movie that has a train in the midst of all the action. The mean-looking train looks straight out of Golden Eye (remember the one in which Sean Bean travels?)
Actually Priest is full of movie references — if the train reminds you of Golden Eye, then the gestating baby vampires (awwww) and mean vampire queen remind you of Aliens . Then there was a human skull in the sand, reminding you of the Terminator movies; but instead of crushing the skull underfoot, the people make this marked detour around it.
Based on a Korean graphic novel by Min-Woo Hyung, Priest is set in an alternate world laid waste by constant wars between vampires and men. Finally the vampires are vanquished by warrior priests. The remaining vampires are rounded up and kept under lock and key, while the humans hide in walled cities protected by the church. The warrior priests are decommissioned and live out their lives in obscurity. All this is told to us in a brilliant prologue with some gob-smacking animation.
When Priest's niece, Lucy, is captured by vampires, he goes against the church to hunt them down. He is accompanied by Lucy's boyfriend, Hick and a priestess. The trio drive mean machines and look so good zipping down these vast wastelands.
It is now impossible to think of Paul Bettany without any religious accessories. In his last outing with director Scott Stewart, he was an archangel and now he is a warrior priest with cool tattoo and cooler body — yes, he does go shirtless for a welcome bit of sunshine in the dark film.
The vampires move like happy Labrador puppies and so do not strike the fear of god in you. Poor Karl Urban, who was so menacing in The Bourne Supremacy and so cool as Eomer in the Lord of the Rings movies, cuts a sorry figure as he gnashes his teeth (long canines and all) as the evil Black Hat. There is a pleasing economy as far as naming the characters go. Christopher Plummer is there to lend legitimacy as some high ranking church person, Monsignor Orelas.
There are a few money shots, and Priest at 87 minutes zips by at a brisk pace. And yes the 3D is unnecessary — it is getting monotonous saying this over and over again!
Priest
Genre: Horror/action
Director: Scott Stewart Paul Bettany, Karl Urban, Maggie Q, Christopher Plummer
Storyline: Ancient war between vampires and humans just moved to the next level
Bottomline: Innovative set pieces, cool locos and mercifully short running time make the film a worthwhile watch
