After an exciting career filled with screenplay heists and star-studded tomfoolery, Anees Bazmee won an Oscar last night. He was dreaming. But he did write down an acceptance speech from the bottom of his bottomless class. Excerpts from the Thank You note.
“I would like to thank Akshay Kumar for never asking for a script. As a sign of mutual respect and admiration, I have never ever looked at his hit-flop ratio in the last two years. What many of you don't know is that having characters with absolutely no depth is the biggest masterstroke of my filmmaking. I could mix and match any of the scenes we shoot together, especially the ‘not good' takes and deleted scenes in future films and it would perfectly fit in.”
“I would like to thank my idol Ed Wood who said: Filmmaking is not about the tiny details. It's about the big picture…What do you know? Haven't you heard of suspension of disbelief?”
“I have always believed in the big picture. Rs.50-crore-big, at least. Not just because a big picture makes sure you get a big pay cheque. It's because people want to see as many stars as possible packed into one movie. And the only way to make it bigger is to take them on a paid vacation to a brand new exotic tourist destination every time. You saw South Africa in No Problem , Australia in Singh is Kingg , Dubai in Welcome and now I present to you, Canada. I have a lot more countries to visit and I would like to thank the tourism boards of these countries for dictating the locations and situations in my script.”
“I would like to say thank you to Anil Kapoor for producing my last film No Problem . His daughter Sonam Kapoor is like my daughter and I have made sure she has absolutely no acting to do because that would be difficult for her. I am glad to announce that we have made a breakthrough in helping histrionically challenged actors to perform. I made Sonam deliver all her lines with her eyes closed and a bit of glycerine does the rest of the acting.”
“I would like to thank my actors who bring a distinctly different fan base to the table. Are there any films that let Bobby Deol fans share the same cinema hall space with Irrfan Khan fans? As a bonus, I have also made a little space to accommodate all of Suniel Shetty fans and that wasn't all that difficult.”
“Finally, I would like to thank Priyadarshan for proving that there is money to be made in mindless comedies because there is no other genre that tolerates and in fact, celebrates stupidity. He put the ‘slap' in the ‘slapstick' and I have made that art my own.”
Thank You
Genre: Comedy
Director: Anees Bazmee
Cast: Akshay Kumar, Irrfan Khan, Bobby Deol, Suniel Shetty, Sonam Kapoor, Rimi Sen, Celina Jaitley
Storyline: Three straying husbands are taught a lesson in fidelity by a private detective who gives them a hard time
Bottomline: A film that's at least decent enough to express its gratitude for taking your money. So what if it does not have a single redeeming quality?
