A little over a month has passed since Indian Matchmaking dropped on Netflix and the world was introduced to Aparna Shewakramani. While the show itself has come in for criticism that it promotes regressive ideas, casteism, and colourism, Aparna, who has said she signed up for a documentary not a reality show, quickly became the one who you could count on to call it as it is or you wanted to hate. It, however, made for great TV when she gave decisive opinions on such diverse topics as marriage, beaches, comedy, children at weddings, and of course, the importance of knowing that Bolivia has salt flats.
Aparna is as busy as ever when The Hindu MetroPlus catches up with her over a Zoom call. While continuing her job as a lawyer, she is also busy with her luxury travel company, interviews and engaging with fans on social media. She is also working on a book based on her experience on Indian Matchmaking and selling T-shirts (a lot of orders come from India) printed with phrases like ‘Do you know Bolivia has salt flats?’, ‘I don’t hate him’, ‘I’ll talk to you never’ and ‘Be like Aparna’. (“I think a lot of women are trying to use Aparna as a term for someone who is strong, unapologetic and ready to ask for what she wants from a partner and believes she deserves that,” she says.)
Excerpts:
The series showed us the external pressure one can face to get married. But watching you and Nadia, both single women in your 30s, also brought forth the idea of internal pressure to complete a checklist in a way: career, marriage, children… What are your thoughts on this?
Of course (there is internal pressure). I don’t even think it’s because everyone else around us is doing it. Well, Nadia said it was true for her. But for me, it’s because I’m ready for a life partner; I’m ready to share my life with someone. The only person you can choose is your spouse. That’s a very important decision and I don’t want to take it lightly. No amount of pressure from myself, my family or my friends (not that I really have much to be fair) is going to change that.
In the show, you said when you were 25, you thought you would be married in two years…
Yes, 27, 29 and then when you turn 30, you’re like, ‘Oh, I have to hurry up now’. And then you start moving quicker or looking harder. Why do we all think we’re going to fall off a cliff when we are 30? Nothing changed. You just woke up the next day, and you were 30 years old plus a day. Some of us don’t find people when we want to, which would have been in our 20s, and that’s fine.
So, you’re single now? What happened with Jay at the end? We see him meet your friends…
Yes. Jay and I never really worked out. He lives in Atlanta and I live in Houston. So, we’re about two hours away by flight. Maybe it was the distance, maybe it was the holidays. We met around December around Christmas and it just never took off. We’re still friends. I talk to him every other day. I talk to Dilip almost every day. I talked to Shekhar for hours sometimes; we are really good friends. The men I went on dates with are wonderful men; they are grounded and humble. They’re my biggest cheerleaders. I can’t say enough good things about them. But they just weren’t the men for me and that’s okay. This is a big important choice, and I’m picking one person. If I can say all these nice things about all three of them, then I would consider myself lucky that I walked away from this process with these great friends.
In the show, Sima Aunty says you are picky and demanding several times. Did you think it was a little counterproductive then to show you only one biodata at a time?
Yes, definitely. I asked her about that in person. I told her, ‘I don't really believe in this, give me all of the guys and let me pick.’ and she said, ‘No, you get one.’ She said, ‘This is the way I do it. Take it or leave it. So, I said, ‘Okay, let us try it’, thinking that is how she always did it. Then I watched the show and I saw her give Nadia three guys and she got to say, ‘I want this one first, this one second, this one third.’ I didn't really understand what her (Sima Aunty’s) motivation was. I felt kind of gypped, like, ‘Why did I get singled out to get the worst treatment?’
Have you spoken to her since?
No, I haven’t really spoken to her since the show. None of us have. I saw her on one press call and we congratulated each other. We still went through this process together, right? I know her business is doing awesome. I am happy for her. I see her interviews, and I know that she is enjoying all of this. She told me, ‘You did so well’ and I said ‘You did so well.’ I meant it. She really did try to the best of her ability to matchmake us all. And if it didn't work, it didn't work.
Viewers have had really strong reactions towards you and even your mother. Do you feel the show portrayed you accurately?
I don't think shows can portray anyone accurately. I think what they were trying to do here was make archetypes so that the viewer can understand matchmaking. It was about a type of person that was moving through the matchmaking process with Sima Taparia. I do think the edit was harsh. I don't think it was necessary to depict and vilify a successful woman. That is a bigger conversation that has to be had about reality television. Why do we constantly vilify successful women? The viewer is smart now and not really interested in that. I think that has been the most positive thing to come out of this. A big conversation about the way we consume our media and the way we consume reality TV. What parts do we actually believe and what parts do we just take as entertainment? I think 100% should be entertainment and the rest should just be left to the side.
Towards the end, you meet an astrologer who says your time to get married is coming soon. Subsequently, you say that you are open and you're more positive about the entire experience. Is that what actually happened?
I didn't meet the astrologer before the end of the show. I think they just created that story arc. We have to believe that there is a lot more behind the scenes. The whole Srini thing; they made it seem like I didn't like his career choice or something like that. That is not true.
What happened is that the viewers didn’t see the hours and hours of footage and stuff off camera where he was so disrespectful to me and he hurt my feelings and I was crying to the producers and my mom. I was so angry that someone could come to my house, meet my family and then treat me so badly. They cut all of that and showed the viewer that I didn't like that he had a podcast.
I think we are watching a very crafted story. They wanted you to see that by the end, I was more positive. But really, I had just given up on Sima ever working. I was like this woman is never going to find me someone. Forget it. She is obviously not listening to me. Let me have fun. I wasn't putting any pressure on the dates anymore. I knew they wouldn't work because Sima had set them up.
Is this also when your mother says, ‘Srini, the loser?’
He did really mean things and said really terrible things and my mom was not having it. And I hope that your mom and any mom, if they saw their daughter hurt like that, they would say, ‘This guy is a loser.’ Now, are those nice words? No. Should she maybe have not said them? Maybe. But I stand behind her.
People have criticised the show saying it promotes regressive ideas, casteism, colourism… What is your opinion on this?
I think it's important that they didn't sanitise it out of the show. Until we talk about it, get mad about it and bring it to a forum, we are not going to move forward as a culture. Obviously, this is a big problem everywhere because you see it the last five minutes of the episode. Richa, who lives in San Diego and grew up in California, says she wants someone who is not too dark.
I wasn't a part of any of that stuff. Like I told Sima, I really wanted two things, which I don't think the viewer really saw. I wanted someone laidback and introverted, and really intelligent. I never said height, caste, colour or anything. She would push me and say tell me more. I said, ‘No, I really just want someone Indian, south Asian. Very smart and laidback. To which she said, ‘No, no, I want you with someone jolly’. I think she didn't understand my English because I have a heavy American accent. And I know she speaks Hindi better than she speaks English. So, I was confused. I was like, ‘Oh, this sweet aunty doesn't understand me.’ But someone’s got to marry the quiet guy, why can’t it be me? I think it is interesting the sexism that came out with the portrayal of my character during the matchmaking process.
But in general, while it is uncomfortable and while we don't like it (talking about it), I think it is also necessary. Hopefully, one day, we won't have to talk about these things anymore. Because, we, as a people and a culture, have moved past colourism, casteism and heightism. I didn't even know (heightism) was a thing.
Has the positive outweighed the negative reactions?
100%. I don’t even feel the negative reactions. After one day of it, I was so alarmed and shocked, and then I thought it’s not even worth it. There are thousands of people saying good things — engage with them and listen to how it made them feel. That is the most important part about television. How did it make the viewer feel?I’m interested in the stories that are coming out and these conversations that we are having.
