Many of us have had friends who are going through turbulent periods in their lives. Maybe they have had a family crisis, or are coping with a mental health issue. As their friend, here are some ways in which we can help:
Listen - Sometimes that's all your friend wants, someone who they can talk to. Being a good listener is actually pretty hard — the temptation to become logical and find solutions to your friend’s problems is high; but often, your friend is just looking for someone to whom she can vent, and who will listen to her without passing judgments. She's probably not expecting you to have all the answers.
Be patient and empathetic : If your friend has just poured his heart out to you, the last thing you want to tell him is to brush his feelings under the carpet and “get over it.” Not everyone is built with the same levels of emotional resilience, so it is important to acknowledge that what he is going through is difficult for him, though it may not seem like a big deal to you.
Pay attention to signs : For instance, if your friend frequently expresses feelings of sadness and irritability, becomes more withdrawn from socialising, seems fatigued or lethargic and loses interest in normally enjoyable activities, they may be going through depression. At this point, suggest going to a mental health professional and offer support to go along for the first couple of visits. However, if your friend is against the idea, don't force it, and wait for a more appropriate time to bring the topic up again.
If at any point, your conversations go into the territory of self-harm or suicidal thoughts, that's when you need to take action, regardless of how your friend feels about it. Talk to an adult your friend trusts — a family member or teacher — to make sure that he/she gets the right help at the right time. You could also share phone numbers of suicide prevention hotlines.
Be kind to yourself : If you have someone you care about going through rough times, it is very easy to get sucked into their feelings, and soon their sadness might become yours. It is important to draw the line between your friend’s life and yours. You are not your friend’s counsellor, so if you find that your conversations are starting to take a toll on your mental well-being, and he is still refusing help from others, speak to your friend frankly about it. Explain that, while he still has your support, he needs to talk to a professional, since you are out of your depth and are unable to help him, though you want to. You also need to set boundaries so that your friend’s needs don't begin to dictate your life. For instance, if you have an exam coming up, be clear on how much free time you have to talk, and when you have to study. If you feel you are unable to cope, talk to an adult you are comfortable with and seek their help on what to do.
Sneha suicide prevention hotline: +914424640050
The author is a psychologist and management consultant. krithvis@gmail.com
