At a recent meeting, one of the topics that came up for discussion was the public display of affection among young employees. “They were holding hands and, in some cases, their arms were around each other,” said someone. Most of us nodded in agreement, implying that we all disapproved of that behaviour in the office.
The phrase ‘public display of affection’ or PDA means just that. In most cases, if it’s embarrassing to watch, people probably just look away from the ‘display’ and those displaying their affection for one another are probably left alone. However, in the workspace or in an office environment, this is a sensitive issue and cannot be ignored. Yet, most teams do not know how to address or conduct a dialogue around it without making anyone uncomfortable. So, how do we tackle the elephant in the room?
In many organisations, this is considered a HR matter and those in Human Resources are left to talk to the employees who demonstrate such behaviour. It is a cross they are required to carry, as handling such conversations isn’t easy. In fact, most of such uncomfortable conversations are seen as HR domain. This may be true and justified to some extent. After all, it is ‘human’ resources. But, in my view, it is every employee’s responsibility to be aware of professional behaviour, the limits and lines that should be respected at all times, the do’s and don’ts of cultural etiquette, and so on.
When you leave college and enter the workforce of a corporate organisation, you’re entering a world where you’re no longer seen as a carefree youngster. You’re young, yes. But you’re expected to be the ambassador of the company you work for. You’re the ambassador of your own values and skills. These are reflected in not just your talent or your wardrobe, but also in your demeanour. How you conduct yourself in meetings, in corridors, in elevators, in the pantries and cafeteria… all of this matters. People do observe erratic or unacceptable behaviour and, sooner or later, it will catch up with you.
Cultural context
While it’s quite natural to become friends with a colleague and start nurturing a wonderful friendship with him/ her/ them, it is always critical to keep in mind that the office isn’t the place to show how much they mean to you. A handshake can never go wrong. But holding hands and walking around conveys a certain lackadaisical attitude, even disrespect for the office, as it’s a bit too casual. A hug or a kiss on the cheek can be considered appropriate, especially in certain cultures, but inappropriate in others.
In France, for instance, it’s common practice to greet someone with a quick kiss on both cheeks. Men and women practise this; however, it’s something you do only after you’ve known the person for a while. Even if you were French, you wouldn’t follow the same practice in India, unless you really know that individual. Also, it would be reserved for social occasions in most cases.
At the same time, a quick half-hug is considered acceptable, especially in multi-national corporations, and especially if it is between a man and a woman, even if you’re Indian. But there are other rules to always keep in mind. For instance, it is even considered rude or impolite to give a compliment on the appearance of a member of the opposite sex. If it is just the two of them, say, in a meeting or conference room, it can even can be misconstrued. Then, comes the question of unwarranted physical contact. No matter how close you may be to your friend, it is not okay to demonstrate that affection in the work environment. At work, he/ she/ they is always your colleague, not your friend, irrespective of gender.
Now, none of this means an office is a highly restrictive policed environment, where we’re being watched all the time. It’s just that we need to be mindful and respectful always. At the end of the day, when we follow etiquette, we respect everyone and their personal boundaries.
Public display of affection in the office is something all of us need to be educated on. It’s not just a headache the HR alone must deal with, but a topic we all need to be aware of. It’s just one more element, which ensures our work environment is pleasant for everyone working there.
The writer is a poet, novelist, translator and literary journalist. She is also a communications professional and works at UST, a leading digital services company. Views expressed are personal. @anupamaraju
