Just when I thought 2019 was a total washout of a year, the universe sent me a ray of hope. A light at the end of the tunnel. A silver lining to my 365 day long cloud of despair. Okay, I’ve been prepping for my English mid-term, so, apologies in advance for excessive use of idioms, alliterations and similes. Let me not beat around the bush, and tell you how my year was saved.
I have found the job of my dreams, people. That’s right. At the age of 11, I now know what I am going to do for the rest of my life. SLEEP!
Offbeat internship
A startup in my city has announced that it is looking for interns who will get paid ₹1 lakh to sleep for nine hours a day. I’ll wait while your jaw drops and you put it back in place. That’s right — a company wants to pay people to sleep.
It gets even better.
The startup is looking for people who have “Demonstrated affinity to cosy environments, napping, lazing and lounging will be a bonus.” The article also said that they were looking for those with a history of falling asleep during class. THIS IS ME! I can’t think of a person with a better track record of falling asleep in Chemistry. Lounging and lazing are my two best qualities. Well, that depends on who you ask. My parents don’t think much of them.
I tick all the boxes for this job — ability to fall asleep within 10-20 minutes of hitting the pillow. Check.
Can fall asleep anywhere despite noise. Check. In fact, I can go one further than that — I can sleep with my eyes open. How do you think Chem ma’am hasn’t caught me yet?
The website said that the selected candidates will get a mattress and a fitness tracker and that we can work from home. Sweet, sonorous sleep, here I come.
Finally, a job that will appreciate my hidden talent of sleeping. In fact, this is one role I’d be more than happy to put in some overtime for. Why just eight hours, I ask. I’ll sleep for 16 hours a day if you want — at no extra cost. Okay, okay, scratch that, I don’t want to give my talents away for free.
All that money — think of what I can do with it! How many toys and video games and V-Bucks I can buy. I’ll even be able to buy my own PS4 — no more begging my parents for one.
I spent a long time working on my resume for this job and I’m pretty sure I’m going to get the internship. The only person more qualified than me for it is my dog. He sleeps everywhere — sometimes, even in the middle of his morning walk! So, I put in an application for him too. They won’t even need to send an extra mattress for him, we can share.
Got to go, folks. It’s time for me to practise sleeping like a baby.
