I took my six-year-old daughter clothes shopping this weekend; it is not something I normally do. Usually, I run through the aisles and throw clothing in the cart for my two daughters in between all the other things I have to do. But this Friday, we had some rare time to ourselves, so I took her to the mall as a treat.
One of the fun things about this for me is watching what choices my child gravitates towards. Lately, she has been interested in ties, vests, collared shirts and blazers. Traditionally, these may be seen as “boys’” clothing. But what does that mean? Despite persisting stereotypes, narrow gender roles have been successfully challenged through waves of socially progressive movements.
Expansive choices
When I was pregnant with my first child, my partner and I decided not to find out the sex of our baby to avoid pre-gendering. We did not want to force her into pink or him into blue. When she turned out to be a beautiful baby girl, her room was full of choices: a canvas to fill. She quickly revealed herself to be a pink, sparkly type of girl, and we gave her the choice to lean into that — we kept our feminist critiques of Disney princesses and pink Lego toys to ourselves.
Our second daughter’s interests were slightly different. At around three, she seemed to prefer the hand-me-downs from her boy cousin (black and blue cargo pants) to dresses. And why not? They are comfy, with deep pockets for all the rocks and shells she collects on our beach trips.
Later, once she started kindergarten, she asked for pink and purple sparkles on her clothing. Until one day she played dress up at home with her sister. Pretending to be the waiter of a restaurant, she wore her dad’s tie and a black blazer, discovering she loved the feel and look of it. She asked if she could wear this exact outfit to school the next day.
On Monday, in the kindergarten line-up, she was super proud of her new look. I mentioned it to the teacher at morning drop-off, who said, “Great!” And for good measure, she added, almost challenging me to disagree: “That outfit is terrific.”
A good friend saw an Instagram photo of my daughter wearing a tie in that morning line-up and sent her some beautiful children’s versions. They are gorgeous. We bought her a vest and a button down shirt for the first day of school, which she wore with a blue striped tie.
The writer’s older daughter (right) quickly revealed herself to be a “pink, sparkly type of girl” while her second daughter’s interests were slightly different. Ties, plaid shirts and grey pants are a favourite
Support system
Like so many children her age, my daughter’s clothing choices reflect her growing and changing interests: sometimes it is a pink kurta and flowers in her hair, as it was this past weekend at the family Diwali party, and sometimes she wears a blazer and tie as it was the day after, to go to a friend’s birthday. These are simple choices for her because we have the privilege of being able to buy her clothing that reflects these choices and because almost everyone around her supports her.
My daughter has the freedom to pick and choose from “both sides of the aisle” in the store. She is a child of her generation: faced with an array of choice. During our shopping trip, she starts by saying she wants a vest and a pantsuit. And I let her lead the way. She runs her hands down a sparkly dress which she can appreciate with an “oooh” and an “ahhh” but doesn’t want to buy; she chooses a pair of silver shoes — which she wants to wear. She also heads to the “boys’” section and picks up a plaid shirt to go with a pair of grey pants. It is a kid version of a “suit.” As she dives her hands into her pockets, I can see she is super proud of it.
Last night, she laid her clothing out before bed. Shirt, blue tie with red hearts, grey pants and sparkly silver ballet shoes. I believe her clothing choice reflects the current moment we are in: there is no reason I should restrict her choices to the “girl’s aisle.” She is leading the way and mixing and matching. She will grow into who she wants to be — and her clothing choice helps her express who that is along the way.
Vinita Srivastava is the Toronto-based Culture and Society editor at theconversation.com
