Parentrap Children

e-Dussehra, anyone?

It’s the festive season, folks! Well, that’s what the ads in the newspapers say. It doesn’t feel like there’s much to celebrate right now though, does it? Plus, even if I was in the mood to celebrate, exactly how am I supposed to? I’m not sure it’s a great idea to go pandal hopping or visit friends just yet. So does that mean, like everything else in life right now, Dussehra will go online too? While that sounds kind of awful, if you think about it, it might not be all bad.

The bright side

Let’s look at the pros! Every year, Dussehra means nine days of wearing kurta pyjamas in the evening. Now, I have nothing against kurta pyjamas but it would be great if they were made of dry-fit. Plus, since I hardly wear kurtas, apart from festivals and Independence Day at school, all my sets are either two sizes too large — so I can wear them for a while — or three sizes too small because we haven’t gotten around to buying me a new one yet! Either way, not comfortable.

The reason I have to wear the kurta pyjama every day is that I have to go with Amma to all neighbourhood homes that have kept ‘golu’ or are doing special something for Navratri. Now, I didn’t mind seeing golus when I was a baby, but I’m in middle school now. Miniature cricket pitches made from sprouting coriander seeds aren’t really my thing any more. Plus, all the Aunties pinch your cheeks and say ‘You’ve grown so tall!’, ‘You’ve become so thin!’, ‘You have become so dark!’. UUUUUGH! NOT COOL, AUNTIES! Please keep your hands and opinions to yourself!

After they’ve told you exactly what they think of how you look, they’ll give you a guided tour of their golu, and you have to have a bunch of handy adjectives ready. Mumbling ‘wow’ and ‘cool’ just won’t cut it. ‘Amazing!’, ‘outstanding’, ‘mind-blowing’ are the need of the hour. Makes you wish you’d paid more attention to literary devices in English class.

Once you’ve gotten the grand tour, you’ll be asked to sing. It doesn’t matter if you can or can’t, want to or don’t. And they don’t mean Imagine Dragons or Camilla Cabello or Shawn Mendes; they mean classical music. How do I know? Because last year I sang ‘Señorita’, and the look on Amma and all the aunties’ faces made it very clear that that was not the correct song to sing. Try Lizzo at your own peril.

If we’re celebrating e-Navratri or e-Golu or e-Dussehra, you can just say there was a network issue, or that your camera isn’t working, or that the Mahishasura e-virus corrupted your laptop. The possibilities are endless.

The only con of e-Navratri? How am I going to enjoy all that amazing prasad? Do you think I can ask the Aunties to Dunzo it over?

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Printable version | Dec 1, 2020 3:05:11 PM |

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