We don’t know much about Vex King. Yet we know everything about him. We’re not privy to his real name, but we know he’s had a rough childhood: he lost his father early to tuberculosis, and his biggest inspiration is his mother. We know that despite missing each other a bunch of times, Vex and his now wife got together nearly a decade ago.
The social-media ‘mind coach’, with his big follower base (of 367k on Instagram; 40k on Facebook; 55.5k on Twitter), popularised the hashtag #GoodVibesOnly. He says he lives on the “outskirts of London”, still holding on to whatever he can about himself. It’s not like his posts demand an overshare; a lot of them are in fact generic messages about self-love, self-acceptance, but in context of his longer captions, they feed into the online world’s thirst for ‘authentic’, ‘raw’ content.
Vex’s popularity is testament to the fact that self-care is the new self-help. While a lot of us might have grown up with Stephen Covey’s 7 Habits series, and somewhat older readers remember the classic Self Help by Samuel Smiles, the push there was on how you could be useful, productive, efficient.
And now there’s Good Vibes, Good Life: How Self-Love is the Key to Unlocking Your Greatness, by Vex King. The book, a handy, palm-sized Bible of sorts for the millennial and post-millennial to navigate life, is a stark departure from the traditional self-help. It tells us to slow down, take stock of internal and external developments, and be kinder to ourselves.
If you’ve dwelt on your life even a little bit, you’ll find yourself nodding as you read along. At the same time though, you’re also left wondering at the obviousness of it all. “Staying true to yourself”, “Choose real friendships”, “Check your own behaviour”, and “One thought is all it takes,” are some of the book’s chapters.
In an email interview, Vex talked about why he felt the need to do a book despite massive online following, about #GoodVibesOnly that was his original claim to fame, and the ways in which we are asked to cope with life. Edited excerpts.
Do you recall when you first started the Good Vibes Only movement on social media?
It must have been around 2012. I was learning a lot about vibration and energy, and realised that higher states of vibrations can help you manifest a good life. Therefore, I thought this phrase would be good to promote. I decided to start a Twitter page after the movement and it grew to over 200,000 followers very quickly. I then decided to push it on other platforms and slowly, I began seeing more people use it.
You have such a huge following on social media. Why did you feel the need for a book too?
There’s only so much you can say on social media. I want this book to serve as a life guide — so people could pick it up any time they needed a bit of wisdom, positive reminders or an energetic boost. Nothing compares to physically having a book available at hand where all the information you need is in one place, and easy to navigate through.
How did the book deal come through? And how long did it take for you to put it together?
A literary agent saw how much impact my Instagram posts were making, and so she approached me to ask me if I was interested in writing a book. At this point, I already had a manuscript ready to self-publish. The planning of the book took me two months. The writing took me two weeks. The editing took months. The whole process took one and half years, from start to finish.
In the book, you talk about not feeling guilty if we need to cut off from toxic family members. This can be empowering, yet, a big taboo. Have you received any feedback on this?
The reason I actually wrote the section is because I get at least 100 messages a week discussing how much their family is hurting them and not knowing what to do. Many are young girls claiming severe abuse. This topic is always tricky to write about, but is much needed. We are told that family is everything and we should put blood first, but often they can be the biggest reason for mental health problems. The general feedback I’ve got is gratitude — a lot of people said it was a much-needed topic to discuss.
You have a bit about leaving a toxic workplace. Lately, there’s a sense that people are too sensitive to critique. What’s your take on the subjective parameters for what is toxic and what is not?
In the office, we have to be self-aware so we can recognise the difference between something that is unhealthy for us and something that requires action. If your manager asks you to work harder, they may be asking because you haven’t put enough effort to reach your potential. To frame this as a toxic demand comes from a perspective of entitlement, instead of understanding you need to and can do more. However, if your manager asks you to work harder in an unjust and malicious manner, you may rightly identify this as a behaviour you do not need to settle for. While this is not always the most practical advice, I do feel your gut (that calm sense of knowing which is not triggered by your conditioning) always knows best.
You have a section titled “The Universe is Supporting You”. Do you think such truisms only exist to make us feel okay about the overwhelming unpredictability of life?
The truth is, we’ll never really know. But, it’s the most empowering way to live life, otherwise we will constantly feel sad when life doesn’t manifest exactly as we imagined, as we wanted it to. That’s why detachment is so important. To retain happiness, you must let go and have faith that what’s meant to be a part of your life, will eventually be a part of it, even if it isn’t how you initially imagined it.
Good Vibes, Good Life: How Self-Love is the Key to Unlocking Your Greatness , ₹399, Hay House India
