Delhi-based Priya Alika Elias lived in the US for 10 years, where she read a lot of feminist literature. “When I came back to India, I couldn’t find anything for us that calls for solidarity. I felt that brown girls should have a space where we could share our own stories, because for so long, we’ve lived with a cultural silence and shame around mental health, sex and so on,” she says.
Her upcoming book, Besharam: Of Love And Other Bad Behaviours, was the result of this realisation. With artful (and hilarious) anecdotes, it explains how life could be. With its bright pink cover showing two sets of legs clad in old-school pants, it is divided into seven sections, discussing themes of hurt, judgement and culture, among others.
Both in person and in print, 30-year-old Elias oozes confidence. And while she’s unafraid to be vulnerable, she admits that it took some self-coaxing to get there. She hopes readers will feel a sense of validation and visibility when they read her book, adding, “I would like to see more women speaking up for other women in a show of support. We all share similar struggles.”
In a chat with Weekend , she gives readers the lowdown on living unapologetically.
How to win on social media
In an age where people look at online life with a stink eye, Elias embraces it. “I’ve seen the harm, but overall, I’m optimistic. The benefits mostly outweigh the hate we see, because it is really the only tool available to people without institutional power. I recently met with people from Twitter India and the team was telling me that a lot of Indian women, especially those in non-English speaking communities, often tell them, ‘I have nothing to tweet because I have nothing important to say.’ That’s not why social media exists; it exists to empower people to start speaking up.”
How to fight the troll army
It’s no surprise that Elias is met by both adulation and snark. But she gets on with it. “I have come across so many forms of trolling that writing Besharam gave me an even thicker skin. When I knew I was doing this for other girls, I became better at dealing with trolls.”
Being a lawyer, Elias urges her readers to look at the bigger picture. Just as life requires the balance of yin and yang, so does the digital space. “I’m not saying look at trolling as a good thing. I’m saying this is a necessary part of change.”
How to find your tribe
Is strength in (virtual) numbers a thing? Can likes and followers provide a sense of community in the offline world?
Many young women often DM Elias, asking her for guidance. It propelled her to become an Agony Aunty ji for Burnt Roti, where she answered questions about relationships after abuse, body positivity, the works.
To find her own inspiration, she looks to art and fashion accounts “by brown girls” on Instagram (think @mindykaling, @artwhoring and @hatecopy). “I’m seeing girls’ new takes on their mothers’ saris, unafraid of their cultures. Plus, there are girls who post pics and they haven’t shaved their legs or have fake brows. There are so many distinctive voices — there is no one way to be an Indian girl.”
How to love
Elias is no stranger to the mishaps of online dating. She famously live-tweeted a blind date in which her companion turned out to be close to 80 years old. “I’ve also been on dates where guys just haven’t been honest,” she exclaims. She laughingly recalls the time a man sent her an unsolicited picture of his genitals. “I looked him up, found out I was friends with a cousin of his, and messaged him, asking, ‘would you like me to forward them to your cousin?’” Needless to say, he was mortified.
How to unlearn the rules
A lot of Elias’ early upbringing was about what girls ‘should’ and ‘shouldn’t’ do.
Challenging the very idea of what makes for bad behaviour is where the growth starts, she says. “Everything from falling in love with the ‘wrong’ person to wearing the ‘wrong’ outfit, to not getting married and having kids… everything I had to learn, I actually had to unlearn.”
Besharam, p ublished by Penguin, is available on March 22 for ₹229.
