In a rare moment of unity the combined cricket populations of India, in the middle of defeat in Australia, and triumphant Pakistan on Thursday night mocked England's attempt to prove it is a worthy world leader after its 10-wicket thrashing in Dubai.
Of course it is far from unknown for English greats to show up any Test team weakness and they joined in with their predictable gusto.
Michael Vaughan, one of England's most successful captains, even wrote sarcastically that England in its present form “might give India a good game.”
I thought that England was back at its most pathetic, a common state of affairs in the last 30 years. Pakistan smiled its way to victory, but Andrew Strauss's men batted and fielded as if they were haunted by such low points as their 2006-7 whitewash in Australia.
England's batting was the root cause of this astonishing Dubai defeat. From Kevin Pietersen, who made only two runs in the first innings and was so impatient to get off the mark in the second that he fell into the most obvious trap by top-edging a hook to square-leg, to the run-hungry Ian Bell who made only four in his two innings, there was a lack of competitive edge and a complete absence of the usual desire.
Wrong tactics?
I wonder if, for once, the tactics devised by coach Andy Flower and captain Andrew Strauss were at fault.
When two attacking batsmen like Pietersen, who prodded around for 29 balls in the first innings for two, and Matt Prior, who lingered three hours for his fifty, batted the way they did, you wondered whether they were obeying orders. Either that or they were so hypnotised by the Saeed Ajmal teesra that their natural instincts froze.
What other explanation can there be. Typically, after a defeat in Asia, England protests against the heat or the conditions or the bowling action of its most successful opponent.
Instead the first Test was played in weather not much warmer than an average English summer's day and the pitch offered no more turn than you would find at Lord's or the Oval. Pakistan's bowlers are good — no question about that — but without Mohammad Asif and Mohammad Amir, now languishing in jail after their spot-fixing exploits it is no better than a decent Test side, short of at least one elite player.
Not surprisingly the Ajmal teesra , which brought his second Test-haul of 10 wickets, and mid-pitch celebrations surrounded by his back-slapping teammates found its critics. Former England captain Bob Willis thought his action suspicious, but that comes late.
Ajmal bowled throughout the 2010 series without a word of criticism and no other side has protested. An official complaint would not be difficult to make in the city that also houses the ICC which has a strict formula for dealing with bowlers suspected of chucking.
No, these excuses cannot hide the simple truth. England's top batsmen submitted passively, stroke-less and without an attempt at assertion, for two totals that were not worthy of world dominance. It may be winner in its comfort zones of home and Australia, but as soon as it flies east of the Suez it collapses as if it was batting in a sandstorm.
Sadly, England appeared to lack leadership too. Strauss, under pressure after low scores as well as this defeat, promised “we will not panic” but offered no positive plan for the second Test in Abu Dhabi which begins on Wednesday.
The final damnation came from the Pakistan captain Misbah-ul-Haq. “We did not think it would be so easy,” he said and that is the last comment world leaders want to hear.
